Monistat for Men

Every woman has had a yeast infection.  They are the worst.  It is very uncomfortable in your pants.  The slight odor is embarrassing.  I wish it did not exist.  Nobody wants to be making bread in-between their legs.  It is an all around horrible part of life.

I have antibiotic pills I take after having sex.  I am prone to getting UTIs after I have sex.  These pills help prevent me from getting one.  I never had any problems with the pills.  I stopped having problems with my vahjayjay until I was dating Peter.

Peter and I were having a lot of sex.  We were having sex multiple times a day, numerous times in a week.  I was taking a pill after every time we had sex.  That is a lot of antibiotics in your system for an extended period of time.  When you are on antibiotics for long periods of time, it can cause yeast infections.  I stopped taking the pills after every time we had sex and tried only taking it once on the days we had sex.  That was eliminating taking multiple pills in a day.  I would still end up with an issue.  I stopped taking the pills all together.  After we had sex, I would jump in the shower and wash off.  I ended up with the same issue again.

I called my OB/GYN.  They advised me to sleep naked.  They also thought eating yogurt would help with the problem.  They asked if I was having sex while I had the infection.  I told them it was a possibility.  They told me that men can get a yeast infection.  Men may not even show any symptoms of having it.  A couple could be passing it back and forth to one another.  A constant wheel of bread making fun.  Lord help us!  The nurse told me I could use Monistat on my boyfriend.  I called Peter and told him to come over my place after he was done with work.

Peter showed up to my place.  He thought he was coming over to have sex.  I told him to come in the bathroom with me.  I explained to him what I needed him to do for me.  He thought I was joking with him.  He found out I was not when I told him to drop his pants.  I had the Monistat cream ready to spread over his dick.  Peter needed to sleep with it on his dick over night.  I wanted to make sure it marinated.  He probably wanted to punch me in the ovaries.  I was about to pull his boxers up when he stopped me.  He asked me to get my hair dryer out.  Peter wanted me to blow dry his dick.  I almost died laughing at him.  He was doing this kind act for me, so I obliged him with his request.  I was sitting on the toilet blow drying his dick with Monistat cream all over it.  That is what you call love.

I Like the Baaaaartender

Bartenders are a unique breed.  They put up with a lot of shit from intoxicated patrons.  The majority are usually good-looking men and women.   It is an added bonus when you are friends with them.  You make relationships with your bartender.  It also opens some doors for some exciting sex opportunities.

Drew and I broke up right before my birthday in 2008.  He was sweet and still gave me my birthday gifts before I went out for the night.  He did not want to go out for my festivities because he thought it would be too hard on me.  My girlfriends and I were out and about in Southside.  We ended up at one of my favorite new bars.  I was friends with the one bartender who was also the manager there.  Dominic was a gorgeous Puerto Rican.  He had curly hair and big muscles.  Dominic was giving us free shots for my birthday.  He also knew about my recent break-up.  He was helping me drown the sorrows and celebrate.  

It was last call.  The girls were getting ready to leave.  Dominic asked if I wanted to stay and drink while they closed the bar.  It was down to just him and I.  He wanted to grab a six-pack of beer for us to drink at his place.  He asked me to come behind the bar to pick out the beer.  I was looking in the cooler and Dominic picked me up in his arms.  He sat me down on the surface.  It was freezing outside, but it was hot as hell in that bar.  He was pulling my shirt over my head and pushing his crotch into mine.  I told him lets finish this back at his place.  He drove us back to his place and we picked up right where we left off.  Dominic threw me on his bed.  He ripped my pants off.  It was jaw dropping when I saw what he had going on under his jeans.  He was very proportional.  A big dick for a big guy.  A man who could roll his R’s could do anything he wanted to me.  Birthday sex is a great gift.

Another night, I was at Dominic’s bar.  He asked me to stay after close with him.  All of the other employees had left the bar.  He asked me to go downstairs to the office with him.  He thought he forgot something down there.  Dominic was smooth.  He pushed everything off the desk in the office and pulled my pants off.  He picked me up and sat me on the desk.  One of my fantasies was coming to life.  Who hasn’t wanted to have sex on a desk?  He took his pants off.  Dominic was looking at me as if he was about to devour me.  He was harder than nipples out in the cold air.  It was hot and sweaty sex.  He stepped away from me.  He lifted me off the desk and set me on the floor.  Dominic turn me around and bent me over the desk.  He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back as he pounded into me from behind.  Oh good lord!  I was in erotic heaven.

Second Impressions?

downloadYou never get to make a second first impression.  Everyone hopes people can have an open mind to give someone a second chance.  You hope people do not judge a book by its cover.  The question is can you make a better impression if you get the opportunity for it.

I went out to listen to the band my mother managed.  I had my fake identification to get into the bar.  I was feeling pretty good.  Cameron text messaged me while I was out.  He wanted me to come over his parents house.  He was in town for the weekend.  My mom was kind enough to drop me off at his house.  She said she would pick me up in the morning.  I found him in his recreational room watching TV.  I was drunk and he was frisky.  We went at it like rabbits.  We were having sex on the couch.  He was in the sitting position and I was straddling him.  Cameron moved us to the floor.  He wanted to be in charge of the rhythm.  I loved when he would kiss my neck.  It made me melt under him.  I moved us to the other couch.  I laid him down on his back.  I straddled his stick shift.  He was trying to hold out.  Cameron’s goal was to make it last as long as he could for us.  I am sure it was not an easy task with my big boobs bouncing in his face.  I used to tease him by squeezing my kegel muscles around his dick.  We kept our sex life fun.

For some reason, we put the couch cushions on the floor to sleep on them like a bed.  In the morning, I heard the door open to the downstairs.  Cameron’s mom yelled down that my mom called the house.  Fuck!  His parents had no idea that I came over last night.  My second impression already not off to a good start.  I called my mom from my cell phone.  She was out in the driveway.  I had two choices in front of me.  I could sneak out the back door with my tail between my legs.  The other choice was to walk up the stairs talk to his parents and go out the front door.  I knew after the first impression I could not duck out.  I tried to get Cameron to go upstairs with me.  He was clearly tired and did not want to move at all.  I had to face them alone.  I pulled my hair up in a ponytail and straightened my clothes.  I was trying very hard to not look like a hot mess.  I went upstairs with a smile.  I greeted and talked with his parents.  I thought it went really well given the circumstances.  I went out the front door to get in the car.  My mom looked at me and said, “You better hide that from your father.”  I had no idea what she was talking about.  I pulled down the visor and looked in the mirror.  My second impression officially went down the drain.  There was a huge hickey on my neck.  Fuck!  It was in plain view with my hair pulled up in a ponytail.  I wanted to kill Cameron.

You may get a chance to make a better impression than your first one.  There is also a chance you could make it worse.  I did not have good luck.  I can only imagine what his parents thought of me.  I had a feeling it was not going to stop Cameron and I from seeing each other though.  The most important things I learned from these experiences was to always carry a little mirror in my purse and to avoid see through t-shirts.  Hickeys and nipples visible through your shirt are no way to go through life.

Sloot Impressions

It is always a big deal to meet your crushes parents.  You want to make a great first impression.  It is a lot of pressure for one person.  If you do not make a good impression, they could tell their son or daughter to not waste their time on you.

The first failed impression with Cameron’s parents happened at his house down at college.  Cameron had a party to kick off moving out of the dorms.  There were people everywhere in the house.  Katherine took his bed.  She always tried to steal Cameron’s attention.  She apparently thought sleeping in his bed meant he’d be in there with her.  Our solution was to go to the bathroom.  Who doesn’t need a shower late at night, right?  Our chemistry was fire.  We locked the bathroom door and started tearing each other’s clothes off.  I pushed him down on top of the toilet.  Cameron had his flag at the top of the pole.  I straddled and lowered myself on him.  You usually feel as if you are on a ride when you are bouncing up and down on a guy.  He picked me up off of him and turned the shower on.  He guided me into the shower and put his flag pole in my pikachu.  He flashed a shit-eating grin at me.  He always loved feeling on my ass while having sex from behind.

images (1)We got dried off and dressed.  We grabbed a blanket and laid on the living room floor.  It was morning at this point.  I was wearing little cheerleading shorts and an old t-shirt from his college.  You could see my boobs through the shirt.  Cameron and I just dozed off together when his front door banged open.  His parents were standing in the hallway.  They did not look happy.  They started yelling at him.  Apparently, Cameron’s landlord called his parents about the party.  That was not how I wanted to meet his parents for the first time.  I tried crossing my arms over my shirt, so you could not see my nipples staring at you in the eyes.  The look I got from them was not ideal.  My first impression got flushed down the drain along with my dignity.

Where Am I?

Majority of everyone loves a drinking night out with their friends.  Some of us may indulge in a little more drinking than others.  One of your friends introduces you to one of their good-looking guy or broad friends.  You both hit it off.  The shots start flowing through the evening.  Everyone splits up at the end of the night.  Your memory is a little bit of a haze.  How did the morning start the next day?

I went out one night with my girlfriends in Southside.  My good friend, Audrey, introduced me to her friend Max.  He was a good-looking guy.  We were bouncing around from bar to bar.  Max and I started to flirt with one another.  We started ripping shots and dancing the night away.  It was 2:00 am and time to figure out where we were all laying our heads down.  I got in a cab with a handful of people and Max.  My memory stopped there.

I woke up looking at a wall.  I realized I did not recognize anything in my sight line.  Panic set in.  Fuck!  I became very aware I was naked.  I started cursing at myself for drinking so much.  I slowly rolled over to see if anyone was next to me.  I was not alone.  I saw Max looking at me.  Whew!  I knew the guy at least.  I asked him if we had sex.  He started to laugh at me.  Max replied, “You don’t remember, do you?”  He basically just answered my question with a big yes.

I was more bummed out I did not remember the sex at that point.  He was even better looking without clothes on.  It had been a couple of months since I had sex.  I started wondering if he would allow a second chance, so I could remember it this time.  Luckily, Max was down for another round.  We ended up spending almost the entire day in bed having sex.  We did take a break for food.  He was amazed at how I did not need lube.  Max was able to keep my light switch turned on.  We were standing up next to his bed.  He lifted me up as if to carry me.  We started fucking with him holding me up in the air.  I was in heaven.

A lot of those types of stories could end badly.  You could end up with a random.  It is always scary for a moment not knowing where your evening ended.  No idea where your morning was starting for the next day.  My parents always told me to remember the word moderation.  My mom even told Audrey that word once at a Steeler tailgate.  It is a good word to practice.  The only problem with it is where is the fun in that?  Sometimes it is fun to wake up and not know where you are.  You could do that in moderation.  If you woke up in a different person’s bed all the time, you should probably get tested and start doing kegel exercises.  No one wants a broad that cannot hold in her Ben Wa Balls or that gets them lost inside of her.

You Gota Pay the Toll

Summer of 2009 had its positives and negatives.  One of my best public places was in that summer.  I was dating Jerry at the time.  He worked on the toll road in the toll booth control room.  He worked night shifts.  We would stay up late talking to each other.  One night, he invited me to come hang out with him at work.  I had no idea what to expect.keep-calm-and-pay-the-toll

I drove out to where he was stationed.  I went through the toll booth and pulled on the side where the stairs and tunnel were located.  Jerry walked down to meet me.  I followed him up the tunnel into the toll booth control room.  It over looked both directions of the toll road.  It was shaped like a spaceship.  It was a giant circle.  There was glass windows almost all the way around the control room.  I started wondering if we would have sex there.  My excitement was through the roof.

The first time we had sex there we started out in a chair.  I sat on top of him.  It was funny because it was a chair with wheels on the bottom.  We were bouncing around like an air hockey puck.  I was getting more turned on realizing we could be seen through any of the windows.  He lifted me up off him and bent me over the desk.  I was looking right out the windows to the roads.  I am sure he more than felt my excitement.  Another time we had sex there, he sat me on the desk with my bare back facing the windows.  I wrapped my legs around him pulling him into me.  The kind of sex you cannot get close enough to each other.  Your hands grabbing on the person in a forceful way.  An immense amount of body heat emanating off of two people.   It felt amazing.  Jerry had this lounge chair there.  I would lay underneath him.  It was tricky making that one work due to not wanting to both tip over.  It was well worth it though.  Jerry and I had some exhilarating sex at his work place.

I loved these memories since most people cannot say they have ever had sex in a toll booth control room.  We could have been caught.  Someone could have checked in on him.  They did periodical calls throughout the night to make sure someone was at the station.  Someone in a tractor-trailer or other vehicle could have looked up and saw naked bodies in the windows.  Jerry usually let me through the toll for free, but sometimes I felt bad and threw a little change for the strange I was getting from him.

Out of the Bush

There are those people in life that deserve to have a turn of bad luck.  It could be because they are assholes.  They could cuckoobe crazy people.  There are many choices to choose from to fill in that blank.  A lot of people believe in karma.  They believe karma will handle people in due time.  Some others believe karma needs a little nudge.

It was nearing summers end in 2008.  There were a bunch of people at Sandcastle that day.  My boyfriend at the time, Drew, wanted to go out with a bang for the summer.  There were not many of us that were fans of Tony’s cuckoo bird, Meg.  She was there that day.  Tony and Nicole were there too.  Here we go again.  Everyone was drinking a lot.  Many things were said and done at the pool.  It was getting out of hand.  Meg was fully dressed with her bags on her shoulders.  She was standing next to the pool.  She was screaming about something.  I watched Drew walk straight towards Meg.  In one swift movement, he stiff armed her from behind into the pool.  Drew took off.  She was silently shocked.  Her purse, pool bag, and herself were fully submerged in the water.  She started screaming asking who did that to her.  Police and security showed up and escorted her away.  

Next thing I knew, I was getting asked to come with security to answer some questions.  They wanted to know if I saw who pushed Meg in the pool.  I lied and told him I thought it was the kid whose hat she stole earlier in the day.  I immediately text messaged Drew to go home and get out of there.  I was not letting him get in trouble over some crazy broad.  They let us go back to our friends.  They escorted Meg out of the water park’s front entrance.  

We all thought the excitement was over for the day.  We all thought wrong.  Nicole and Tony walked out the bottom exit.  Meg came flying out from the bushes after Nicole.  The security guards must have sensed Meg was not leaving when they escorted her out.  Because they were there immediately in the beginning of the chaos.  Meg got handcuffed and went to jail.  Drew got his wish.  He escaped all of the blame and went out with a bang.  We told Tony he truly needed to cut ties with Meg.  Her last incident in the living room at Drew’s house with a tampon and this episode was enough for all of us.  She was a certified cuckoo bird.

Once again, I felt like I was in an episode of a soap opera.  How does one person keep getting themselves in those types of situations?  Could the sex be that good that you go to jail over it?  How long could you ride the hot mess express?  I have heard of people doing crazy things over sex, but she was definitely topping the cake.  Meg was truly cuckoo for Tony’s cocoa puffs.