Archive | February 2016

Tinder Experiment: Day 7 & 8

imageI was scrolling through my stack of men and a familiar face came up.  It was one of my good guy friends.  I obviously had to swipe right for him.  We knew it was fate.  HaHa.  It truly is funny that I have had a handful of people I knew or was friends with come up in my stack.  A little awkward for the guys I know, but I am not friends with them.  Awkward because I swiped left.  Sorry not sorry.

I was still struggling with which route I wanted to take with Arthur.  Friend path or more than friend path.  There were a lot of similarities to some of my ex boyfriends of regret past, especially Gary and Barry.  He did not seem like a bad guy at all.  He was a very cookie cutter type of guy.  Arthur made the comment he’s never been with a broad with a tongue ring.  He said he probably wouldn’t let me near his crotch.  I had a laugh at that since back in the day that was why most broads got their tongue pierced.  Tongues and metal rods on guys shafts supposedly does wonders for extreme hardening.  If he did not like the thought of a tongue ring, he would probably tell me I’m crazy when I asked him to choke me during sex.  Or he would hightail it out of my house.  ::pineapples bitch::  Arthur also referred to himself as a “pottery barn whore.”  He slightly reminded me of the gay straight man that was talked about on Sex and the City.  He was very nice, good looking, and had a great attitude.  I could see us being good friends though.

My exes Gary and Barry were both cookie cutter, short and bland in bed.  I don’t know what I want in a man, but I do know what I don’t want in a man.  I am too wild and love to color outside the lines.  Arthur and I were not going to work out as more than friends.  It reminded me of Chibs from Sons of Anarchy when he was banging the Sheriff Althea Jarry.  He told her that she was a cop and he was a criminal, so they cannot be scene walking hand in hand down the sidewalk.  Arthur and I were the same situation.  He knew I was writing about this on my blog.  I knew I had to tell him before I wrote about it.  That would be a real dick move if I did not tell him and just let him find out on here.  I am a compassionate and honest person, so I asked him if it was possible for us to be just friends and I explained how I was feeling about it.  I truly wanted to be friends with him and thought I was very kind with how I laid it out there.  He responded to me with, “That’s fine.”  That is not an ideal two word response.  I have tried to message him since and nothing.  We did not even kiss and Arthur was that salty.  Maybe it was a good thing I ended it before it started.  I didn’t want to end up like the movie ‘Safe Haven.’  Ha.

(side note:  After this post, I am just going to do updates on the experiment.  The days are stating to blend together.)

 

Tinder Experiment: Day 5 & 6

There are a lot of younger 20 something guys on Tinder who like themselves an older broad.  I ain’t hating because I’m the older broad.  My last ex boyfriend was seven years younger than me.  A lot of people had something to say about it.  What is that one saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?”  That may be very true, but you can train a puppy with treats and a newspaper.  I’m just saying.  This cougar has claws now.  Watch out little young pups.  ::wink wink:: 

One of the young studs asked for my snapchat name.  I obliged with his request.  He sends me a lot of shirtless pictures.  I ain’t mad about it.  He is studying to become a firefighter.  We all know how I love a guy in uniform who knows how to use a hose.

imageDay 6 happened to fall on Valentines Day.  I usually loathe that day for many reasons even when I have been in a relationship.  This year was different.  I hadimage friends over my house to play corn hole and beer pong.  I was telling my buddies about my Tinder experiences.  Arthur came up.  My guy friends were not keen on the fact that he was in law enforcement.  Some of us may or may not partake in illegal activities.  ::smiles with halo over head::  

I spent a little more time with Arthur.  I was still on the fence with how I felt about him.  There was something holding me back from doing anything with him besides giving a hug.  I wanted to figure out what that something was before I went any further with him.

 

Man Bun of Regret

I enjoy going out with friends and perusing the crowd.  It is fun to people watch or to find potentials for dating.  You never know what you will stumble upon while out and about.  It was the way you used to meet people before social media came out.

I was out at Wing House a little over a week ago with my uncle and his friends.  We were throwing back some beers and bullshitting.  They left to head back to Indian Rocks Beach area.  I stayed to finish my beer.  I spotted a man bun.  He seemed rugged cute.  We exchanged glances.  I asked the bartender if she had seen him in there before.  I waited for my moment.  He was walking by me and I tapped his shoulder.  I said, “I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re good looking.”  He responded with a smile and thanked me.  He went back to the other side of the bar.

A group of guys walked in and sat near me.  Apparently they knew man bun.  He walked over and joined them.  I kindly told the guys that man bun must be scared of me.  They informed me his name was Ibrahim.  I decided to have one more beer then head home.  Ibrahim finally got his nerves up and sat by me.  He told me he was in town for work.  He seemed normal and nice enough, so I gave him my number.  He walked me to my car and I went home.

He started texting me immediately.  Ibrahim turned out to be like a broad.  He revealed too much too soon via text.  He was word vomiting everywhere.  It was as if I was watching one car accident after another.  He has a kid.  He was heart broken over the baby mama.  He had a D.U.I. that ruined his life.  He has or had PTSD.  Queue the sound effects of crashing and burning.

Oh my God.  What do you even say to that?  Why would you unload all of your baggage on someone you just met on the sidewalk?  The best part he followed that by telling me he imagewished to cook for me.  Oh hell no!  I am not telling you where I live.  If I was really mean, I would have told him to delete my number right at that moment.  I was slightly thankful he threw his warning label at me all at once because that just saved me time.  Time is very precious.  Ibrahim did text me here and there.  I have been very short with my responses to give the hint.  However, yesterday he came at me with some lame ass texts.  I had to be a slight bitch.  Sorry not sorry.  He wasn’t catching my hint.  I cursed his man bun and blocked his number.

Tinder Experiment: Day 4

A lot of these guys must be on Tinder late night style because I wake up to messages a lot.  This broad is imageasleep by 10:00 pm at the latest during the work week.  I cannot function on little to no sleep like I used to in my younger 20’s.  The one creep somehow still was not annoyed by my responses and thought I did not get the concept of flirting or being sexy.  HaHa.  It was more fun being sarcastic and an asshole than coming out and telling him that I couldn’t take him seriously with the hand comments.

Arthur, one of the guys I gave my number to, asked me to grab a drink  after work with him.  I was a little apprehensive since my friends were telling me to take my taser with me.  I guess there are too many stories in the news of messed up situations.  I agreed to meet up with him.  My one friend Melissa was tracking me via the friend finder app on iPhone’s.  Ha.  I do not want my mom knowing about that app.  At the age of 32, she would be tracking me all day, every day.  

The meet and drink went surprisingly well.  I hate those kind of things too.  It is almost like a date. vince-vaughnWEDDING2.jpg.jpg Dating is so nerve racking to me.  It reminds me of Vince Vaughn in ‘Wedding Crashers.’  His explanation of dating is how I feel about it.  After two beers, I felt a little more relaxed.  Arthur reminded me a lot of Jaxon.  He truly was a normal guy.  He had a past to share like we all do.  It was good conversation.  I let him do the majority of the talking which was nice.  I hate feeling like I am talking just to avoid awkward silence.  Arthur walked me to my car like a gentleman.  We hugged and went on our separate ways.

Arthur is a very good looking guy and seems really nice.  I am open to getting to know him more as a person.  I am just unsure if it’s as a friend or more than.  I will always have reservations especially because I do not want to waste someone else’s time or mine.  Maybe the answer is in a kiss.  The only way to tell if there is potential chemistry.  I always think of my friend’s quote, “It’s all in the kiss.  If you don’t get a good kiss, you ain’t getting a good dick.”  

Tinder Experiment: Day 3

imageI have racked up 27 matches in three days.  How many is too many though?  Tinder reminds me of a game.  Especially when it tells you that you have a match and you can either message them or keep playing.  It also has the slight feeling of speed dating.  The pro would be that you did not actually have to see them in person for the speed round.  You get to swipe through your stack of men at your own pace.  The other nice feature I found on Tinder is the “unmatch” button.  I would assume you use this after you had a conversation with a person.   Or maybe you accidentally swiped right.  In my instance, I would unmatch myself from the two creeps.

There are quite a few men who post pictures that make you feel embarrassed and wonder where their mom is at in their life to hit them upside the head.  I do not care if it is Tinder, Snapchat, or whatever.  You should not be putting your goodies out there for anyone in a 50 mile radius to see.  What ever happened to anticipation?  If you put it all out there for any Jim, Joe, and Bob to see, how do you expect to be treated like a lady or a grown man?  Ain’t nobody want your biscuits and gravy if they think everyone has taken their bread and sopped some up.  

Lezbehonest, there are too many irresponsible, loose legged, red rocket out, type people and STDs now a days.  Some of you should double wrap it up.  Channel your inner booty call.11521311_gal.jpg

Tinder Blamed for STD outbreak last year

 

Tinder Experiment: Day 2

I learned what super liked was on Tinder.  It is when you swipe up on a person.  I am guessing people do this in hopes of the other person liking them since it tells that person you super liked them.  You are just hanging on by a thread hoping for that match, so you can have a truly meaningful conversation with them.  Ha.

I did not message one of my matches.  I let them message me first.  I did not do that because I am imagethe female.  I chose the subtle approach because I was still learning how Tinder worked.  A total of nine guys started conversations with me.  Two out of the nine guys ended up being creeps.  They were not being offensive.  They were either using cheesy lines or laughable comments.  I cannot say it was their age either.  One guy was 35 years old and the other was 28 years old.  I just want to know what broads go for these types of guys.  You know someone has to go for it because they clearly think it is a great working angle.  It was hard to take them seriously though.  Ha.

The other guys weren’t too bad and had quite normal conversations with them.  I gave my number to two of the guys.  Another guy happened to be from Pittsburgh and just moved to my area in Florida.  I am slowly catching on to Tinder.  Even a monkey learns from repetition.

 

Tinder Experiment: Day 1

I have said online websites or apps on the phone to meet people are not for me.  I had the idea to write about Tinder because of all the stories I have heard about it.  Yes, there are some friends of mine who have actually ended up in relationships from Tinder.  However, I think there are twenty horror stories to every good one.  

This idea I had though involved me actually downloading the app.  I opened the Tinder app up and had no idea what half the crap was or meant in it.  Yes, I will admit it.  I had to go to the website and read the directions.  Someone super liked me.  I got the notification on my phone.  

::puzzled look on my face::  What in the piss is a super like?  Did they cum in their pants as soon as they saw my picture or just pitch a tent?  Maybe they felt a little tickle under their taint.

I was using the X button for a little bit because I was scared I was going to swipe the wrong way.  All of a sudden, Douche Bag Bill came up on my stack of men cards.  It showed he was 2 miles away.  I was scrolling through his picture selection and a crotch shot popped up.  Oh My God.  Why the piss would you put that on social media?!  Because people like me are going to screen shot that and send it to my friends while laughing my ass off.  If I saw that before I met him, I never would have given him a chance.  I do not care how big of a dick you have if you are a douche bag.  What do you think I did?  Swiped… To the left, to the left!  

Bill was the guy from my ‘One and Done’ post.  I learned back in September last year that someone had his baby.  That meant while he was out screwing me over and all the other broads his baby mama was in another state just sitting around pregnant waiting for him. 

Oh lord, baby Jesus, help me!  Wish me luck!