It’s probably safe to say that we all know what SnapChat is, right? I finally caved in and downloaded it when I was living in Chicago and fresh out of my relationship with Peter. It was fun sending quick pictures to friends and guys. You got to pick how long the picture was available and then POOF. Its gone. Where did it go? Was it up in the cloud? Was it with Carmen San Diego? It’s a mystery that no one may ever solve.

Well remember good ol Josiah and Paisley?  Apparently, they tripped into a relationship in less than two months time despite his baggage.  I hadn’t heard from Paisley since the night she tried to get on Josiah on my couch in my house after he just finished with me.  I was surprised to learn that since he had hit me up periodically for sex the past couple of months.  Interesting.  I had no idea.  It didn’t surprise me since he was the “baby, babe, bae everything” type of guy to any broad he set his attention on.  There are those broads that eat that shit up instead of seeing it as basic.

I left work the other day for a doctors appointment.  Josiah started messaging me on SnapChat.  He wanted me to meet him for lunch which turned into him wanting to meet me at my house.  The tides were turning.  I advised him that I had to go back into work. He started begging me to not go back to work because he really wanted to see me.  I told him that some of us have to work to pay the mortgage.  No magic bill paying fairies here. (If you see one, please send em my way).  He was wanting to come over and fuck.  He was laying it on thick.  Josiah started calling me via SnapChat.  I hit ignore.  I asked why he was calling me that way when he had my number.  I then asked him if it was so Paisley wouldn’t see that he was blowing me up.  He laughed it off.  Josiah wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. He was very pretty though.  I reminded him about my decision to walk away from him because I don’t fuck around in Petri dishes.  Homie don’t play that.  I told him we were friends and nothing more.  He flipped his script to, “I want to come over and watch a movie with you.” Psssssh boy who you kiddin. You know damn well he didn’t want to watch no damn movie.  Everyone knows that code phrase.

If he still wanted to hang out after I got out of work, I decided that we would discuss it then.  I truly thought he would get over this “want” he had for me in that timeframe.  I was never more wrong.  He kept messaging me to hurry up.  He was asking what movie that I wanted to watch with him.  Josiah wanted to bring over wine and pizza. He started referring to himself as “daddy.”  This was the moment that I started dying laughing.  The thirst was real.  I brought up Paisley once again to him. Josiah went on to tell me that they were no longer together due to her baby daddy coming back into the picture. He went as far to say that he hadn’t even had sex in a few weeks. I had no real way to verify any of it since I removed her from my social media after her stunt in my house.

Josiah spent a total of TEN AND A HALF HOURS relentlessly begging me.  Noon until 10:30 in the evening.  He finally gave up when I said a hard “no.”  Do not get it twisted, he was breaking me down to the point that I could have caved into him.  There was one issue with that though.  I was not sure if it was more of me wanting to show Paisley that I could have him or if I really just wanted a hug… with his penis.. in my vagina.  It was a toss-up.  I mean lezbehonest, they always come back to me. ::wink, wink::

I shared this nonsense with my friends.  A few of them wanted me to be the bigger person and tell Paisley.  I wanted to tell her to go fuck her man, so he stopped begging me for it.  I was told that was too harsh.  The problem would be getting proof. Most people especially broads want something that they can see because they want to hold onto the glimmer of hope someone was lying to them. SnapChat alerts the other person if you screenshot the chat or picture. I was with my girl Taena at the time. We started brainstorming on how to get around a screenshot, so Josiah wouldn’t know he was going to get busted. Light bulb. I had the conversation up on my phone while Taena took a picture of it with her phone. ::high five:: Now I had proof to use… Alright, I caved in and did exactly what my friends wanted which was to text her.  I gave her the full story.  I really had no sympathy for her.  As we learned from Ludacris, “Can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, hoes don’t act right.”  Josiah had a lot of baggage.  Paisley tried to fuck him in my house immediately after me.  She jumped into it with him following that encounter.  What did she expect?  Did she really think she found her prince when in actuality she got a bufo toad?  However, the story doesn’t end the way that we all thought it would.  Paisley ignored what I told her and had him remove me from all social media.  Ha.  That’ll keep a dog from straying… said no one ever.  

Five days later, they were professing their love on social media for all to see.   Paisley bragging how lucky she was to have him.  Why the facade?  The man was married despite being recently separated and creeping behind your back.  Why not say nothing on social media and deal with your dirty laundry in the laundry room than pretending you weren’t washing out skid marks?

The rest of us who know these types of truths are not jealous.  We are sitting back laughing with the others as we sip our tea.  Ladies out there, always remember your self-worth.  If you do not respect yourself, no one will.  Never settle for the poisonous toad.  Bufo frogs make your dogs foam from the mouth.  Can you imagine what they do to your vagina?!