Lesson Still Not Learned… 

Several years ago, I thought I would have learned to put my toys away.  The one time that I left Platinum Pete out in my shower was the day that the cleaning ladies came to the house. Platinum Pete was moved from one shelf to the other.  Embarrassing.  Most parents have been teaching their children to put their toys away since they were little ones.

I was busy at work the other day.  I had a spreadsheet full of data clouding my head when my mother called to tell me that the pest company was at my house to spray.  She called back to say he was going to go spray in my bathroom for sugar ants.  I was enthralled with work and let it go in one ear and out the other.

Two hours later, I was leaving work and sat in my car.  Shit!  I left my bullet out on my sink. Oops, I did it again! Sommabitch.  I was a little embarrassed, but I remembered that it would give the guy a good story to tell for a laugh.  Shit does happen.  We’re all sexual human beings.

I decided to share my embarrassing moment by calling and telling my dad about it.  He had a good laugh and called me an idiot.  Most of you are probably wondering how I could have a conversation like that with my dad.  We are all adults here.  Everyone masturbates or at least they should.  I was lucky enough to grow up in an open household full of inappropriate comments and jokes with a side of sarcastic asshole.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The moral of the story is… pick up your toys and put them away or have the red-faced embarrassment and own that shit in the mirror.

Sloot Impressions

It is always a big deal to meet your crushes parents.  You want to make a great first impression.  It is a lot of pressure for one person.  If you do not make a good impression, they could tell their son or daughter to not waste their time on you.

The first failed impression with Cameron’s parents happened at his house down at college.  Cameron had a party to kick off moving out of the dorms.  There were people everywhere in the house.  Katherine took his bed.  She always tried to steal Cameron’s attention.  She apparently thought sleeping in his bed meant he’d be in there with her.  Our solution was to go to the bathroom.  Who doesn’t need a shower late at night, right?  Our chemistry was fire.  We locked the bathroom door and started tearing each other’s clothes off.  I pushed him down on top of the toilet.  Cameron had his flag at the top of the pole.  I straddled and lowered myself on him.  You usually feel as if you are on a ride when you are bouncing up and down on a guy.  He picked me up off of him and turned the shower on.  He guided me into the shower and put his flag pole in my pikachu.  He flashed a shit-eating grin at me.  He always loved feeling on my ass while having sex from behind.

images (1)We got dried off and dressed.  We grabbed a blanket and laid on the living room floor.  It was morning at this point.  I was wearing little cheerleading shorts and an old t-shirt from his college.  You could see my boobs through the shirt.  Cameron and I just dozed off together when his front door banged open.  His parents were standing in the hallway.  They did not look happy.  They started yelling at him.  Apparently, Cameron’s landlord called his parents about the party.  That was not how I wanted to meet his parents for the first time.  I tried crossing my arms over my shirt, so you could not see my nipples staring at you in the eyes.  The look I got from them was not ideal.  My first impression got flushed down the drain along with my dignity.