Awaken the Cookie Monster

I used to be a bunny rabbit with sex in my younger years.  I couldn’t have enough of it.  I even was guilty of two guys in one night when Gary lost the air in his sails one evening.  I literally got a text from Jase whose ringtone was “If you’re horny..” while I was straddling Gary and his limp dick.  HaHa.  I got dressed so fast to say goodbye to Gary and head over to Jase’s place.  I was a bit of a sloot back then.  No shame.  If one wasn’t enough or didn’t satisfy me, I was always up for another go around.  I loved sex.  

In my seasoned years, I haven’t lost my love for sex, but I have learned that quality is better over quantity.  Yes, majority of women could have sex whenever they wanted.  We have the cookie jar.  We have the V-card.  I used to be such a cranky bitch when I was going without sex.  It would only be a few weeks or a month.  You would have thought I was dying of that dick hunger.  The thirst.  However, I now go three to nine months of no sex and I am perfectly okay.  Granted, I do put my toys to good use in that timeframe.  I am human.  Everyone still needs an orgasm a day to keep the grumpiness at bay.

I recently was on a five month sex hiatus.  I then got some vitamin D in my life.  You would typically think that once you have that itch scratched you would be good to go for a while again.  Nope.  Not the case with me.  I ended up being friskier than ever.  The dick awoken Miss Lucy the ‘Cookie Monster.’  I found myself squirming from the desire to have an orgasm at least once every day.  It was like a fire inbetween my legs of heat and wetness.  No one wants to see a broad squirming in their pants.  There are just too many options as to what the problem is with her down there.  Most of them are not cute because no one thinks women get that frisky.  

Another reason that I could never have my clit pierced.  I am frisky enough with my pants rubbing down there.  I would be a walking orgasm if I got my clit pierced.

 Anyways, I was getting myself off before bed, in the morning, after work, and I even thought about it when I went home on lunch to let the dogs out.  Lawd, child, calm down Cookie Monster.  I was getting ready to go meet one of my girlfriends for food and drinks and got the urge.  I was all dressed and ready to walk out the door.  I turned around and headed straight back to my room for a quick “O.”  

It is crazy to think one fuck could turn me back into the energizer bunny that I once was in my life.  Maybe, I will get lucky enough to find a firefighter to put out that fire ::wink, wink::  Until then, thank God that sex toys are now rechargeable or I would be burning through some double A batteries like no ones business.  

Knuckles Up

What is the average age kids start to indulge in masturbation?  A child starts to notice they have special parts between the ages of two and three.  They play with themselves because it gives them a happy feeling inside.  The kids do not know what they are actually doing though.  The question is when do they realize what that sensation is to them.

My parents used to have parties all the time in Greene County.  The adults would bring the kids over.  The adults would be in the garage and the kids would be inside or on the play set.  There was always a long line for the bathroom.  I was not very good at peeing outside when I was young.  I was six or seven years old at the time.  One of the other girls told me I could get rid of having to pee if I laid on my fist.  She told me to put my fist on my crotch and to lay there until I did not have to pee anymore.  I told her that it gave me a tingling sensation.  She said it worked then.  That was the start of being a cookie monster.

I would lay on my fist every time that I had to pee.  I started doing it when I did not have to pee.  The sensation it gave me was addicting.  I remember in first or second grade that I laid down behind one of the book shelves in the library.  My girlfriends and I would always get a shower together to save time.  I would lay down on my fist before getting in the shower.  I was putting my knuckles up on my Miss Lucy every chance I got.  My mom caught me in our house doing it behind the spare bed.  The cookie monster was out of control.  My mom sat me down and told me that the sensation was actually an orgasm.  I still did not completely understand what that meant or why it was so addicting.

I want to say this is what triggered my openness to sexuality.  I have been getting myself off ever since that first moment.  I am no longer laying down behind bookshelves in schools.  Ha.  I do not want to get arrested for that.  I have graduated to just my bed and shower.  I also take advantage of toys instead of my knuckles.  If I am feeling a little hung over, I indulge in ‘me time’ to get the happy feelings flowing to pick me up.  I love seeing how many times I can get myself off in one sitting.  The record is currently holding at four times.  My one girlfriend recently tied me.  I was so happy for her, but I want to try for five now.  There are few things greater than being open and free with yourself, so you can round those bases into home plate.  Batter, I mean, knuckles up ladies!

Soliciting Sex

Who has ever used an online anything to get sex?  I am sure there are quite a few people with their hands raised up in the air.  There are “dating” websites like Plenty of Fish,, etc.  Some people use social media as an outlet.  Those used to be chat rooms, ICQ, AOL, and My Space.  You used to go in a chat room saying, “A/S/L.”  Ha.  Now we have FaceBook, LinkedIn, Tinder, Craigslist, and many more.  All of these options are out there for people to dip into some strangers cookie jars.

I am guilty of using My Space once for sex.  It was back in the spring of 2008.  Harvey was a mutual friend of a lot of my good friends.  I sent him a request.  We flirted back and forth online for a while.  My girls and I were drinking at Hollie’s apartment in Oakland one night.  I hit up Harvey seeing if he wanted to come over and drink with us.  I did not think he would bite, but he was down to hang out.  It was the first time we were going to meet in person.  We were all playing drinking games and having a good time.  The girls eventually went to bed.  It was down to Harvey and I up on the couch.  Yes, I slept with him on the couch.  It was pretty good sex too.  I had no shame in my game.  You have to get it while the gettin’s good.  We actually became really good friends.  Harvey was my one friend who got me interested into watching professional hockey.  

Besides that one time, I do not use dating applications or websites.  I prefer the good ‘ol fashioned meet someone in a bar type romping over the cyber sex requests especially after the Craigslist killer happened.

I found out one of my ex-boyfriends is using Craiglist for sex.  I do not want to use his name I chose for him on here to spare him any jokes.  He has responded to a handful of Craiglist adds for sex.  I find so much humor in it.  I would think even Tinder is better than Craigslist.  Tinder is pretty bottom of the barrel too.  If you respond to an add, you might as well ask for a shot afterwards.  I did not think anyone even did that anymore especially after that killer surfaced that was using Craigslist to kill people.  A lot of people have asked me how it makes me feel.  Well, that very weekend I heard this news, I was up late talking to a very attractive Ron Burgundy kind of friend.  He is kind of a big deal.  He was driving to his next gig and we were entertaining one another.  I got myself off four times in two hours.  Lets go back to the question of how does it make me feel…It makes me feel like I am “winning” in life over him.  True story.

It is pretty sad and scary if you have to stoop to Craigslist for sex.  I mean you should have some standards.  You would be better off calling hookers out of the back of a phone book.  I know why some people use the crutch of online dating because they may not be social enough to meet people while they’re out on the town.  Or maybe some people do not have time to go out and online profiles are easier to weed out the sub par dudes.  Different strokes for different folks.  I would just like to know what kind of pickle is going in my deli.  My deli is not open for everyone and I do not want to end up on a milk carton.  My friends would never find me because those lushes never drink milk.   

2 for 1 Night

Never have I ever been with two guys in one night.  ::drinks::  In my younger years, I always took advantage of an opportunity. Sebastian, one of my best guy friends who was also in the fraternity, always said to never pass up a chance to pee because you did not know where the next restroom would be.  I applied that saying to sex.  You never know when you will get the opportunity again.

I just started seeing Gary .  This was before we were official.  He told me he used to picture me while having sex with his ex-girlfriend.  I never knew if that was a compliment or a creepy run for the hills comment.  It was one of the first times we were going to have sex.  He had his little hose at attention and ready to go for fun.  I got on top of him.  I was starting to rock back and forth.  I had a rhythm going in the bed.  I noticed his hose lost water pressure.  It went limp.  There are few things more awkward than a flaccid penis inside of you.  The other problem is what do you say in that situation.  I dismounted him.  My phone rang at that moment.  The song blaring was ‘Pony’ by Ginuwine.  It was my ringer for Jase.  It was perfect timing.  I answered the phone.  He asked if I wanted to come over.  I said I would be on my way.  I looked at Gary and said my friend was having a bad night.  I told him I had to leave.  He looked like a confused puppy.  I said I would call him tomorrow.  I grabbed my clothes and got the hell out of there.

I got to Jase’s house.  He not only had a huge zucchini in his pants, but he also had a Gene Simmons tongue.  Jase was like hitting the lottery.  We all know big dicks can hurt if the captain does not know how to work the helm.  He did wonders with both his dick and tongue.  It was a glorious thing.  We went a couple of rounds that evening.  Jase had me in multiple positions.  He more than made up for my blunder let down with Gary.

I do not always suggest double dipping in the cookie jar.  Many problems can arise and you do not know who to talk to about it.  Sleeping with more than one person at a time is not the smartest choice.  I do not regret my choice.  I had a lot of fun in my younger 20’s.  In this case, Jase saved the day from my bad sexual encounter with Gary.  No one wants to end their night with a limp biscuit.

The Power of the V card

Women truly do have a slight power advantage over men.  We withhold sex when we are mad or trying to prove a point.  We also may keep the lid on our cookie jar to see if the man is worthy of tasting our cookie.  The men are always hoping to get their hand in the cookie jar.  They never know if they will succeed or not with the task.  At the end of the day, it is a game surrounding the cookie jar.

A long time ago, my four girl friends and I took a road trip to a different college for the night.  We were staying at my one guy friends place.  This guy friend and I had an on and off again ordeal since I was sixteen years old.  All of us headed out to the bars.  It was a fun evening.  I wondered where Cameron went since we were staying with him.  I found him dancing all over some broad.  My girl friends suggested we go to another bar.  That was fine with me, but I had to do something before we left.  I was drinking a vodka and cranberry.  He was wearing a white button up shirt.  I walked over to Cameron and tapped him on the shoulder.  He turned to face me.  I dumped my drink over his head and tossed the cup at him.  I turned around and walked out with my girl friends.  They were dying.  They were then concerned with where we would stay.  I assured them that we would still be staying at Cameron’s.  After the night was over, we were back at Cameron’s.  They all figured he would be fuming with me.  They forgot I had my V card.  The girls and I were relaxing in the living room.  Cameron came out and asked if I was coming to bed with him.  Their mouths dropped.  He knew he was in the wrong or he knew he wanted to get laid. Ha.  Either way you think about it, Cameron had to suck it up if he wanted in my cookie jar.

Several months ago, I had met Jaxon.  He definitely rocked my socks off three times.  You are probably thinking we had sex.  You are wrong.  It was only his hand in my cookie jar.  I knew if he could do that with just his hand that I was in for a treat.  We talked for a few weeks.  I lived in Chicago and he lived in Florida.  It was never going to be anything more than a fling.  I did not know I would end up living in Florida.  I was excited because it meant I had a guy there already to have fun with in a new state.  I found out he had met someone else.  One night, we had an after party at Jaxon’s place.  He wanted to explain himself about this other broad and how he was sorry.  It was my birthday, so I had quite a bit to drink.  I also wanted birthday sex.  I was irritated.  Jaxon knew my irritation was at him.  I ended up hitting him really hard in the balls.  I do not remember if I kicked him with my foot or if I hit him with my hand.  He dropped to his knees holding himself.  I found it hilarious.  You would think he would be furious with me.  This story ended with us in his bathroom.  It was hot and rough.  You know it is great sex when the guy is choking you, you lose air supply, and beg for more.  I got my birthday sex.cookie

I feel like most men will put up with a lot just to get that cookie jar in the end.  I am sure there is a line that you should not cross, but it seems there is a lot of wiggle room.  It is funny how powerful the V card can be in life.  Some ladies forget how much power they have over a man.  Ladies hold that V card up high and remember you have the cookie jar.