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Who Has to Tinkle?

Who has peed in the shower before?  If I am in the shower alone, I usually pee in there.  It is something about that water hitting your body that makes you have to pee even if you just went to the bathroom.  I would never pee in the shower if someone else was in there.  That is just rude.  Granted, pee is sterile and helps prevent foot fungus.  You are welcome for that fun fact.67c1e7d975cde162148b18a33d18d326.jpg

One time, Tony and I were having a conversation about sex.  He told me there have been several women that have asked him to pee on them.  I was pretty intrigued by this statement since there was more than one of these ladies with that request.  I started firing off a bunch of questions.  He told me he only obliged their request when they were in the shower.  I wondered where does one want to be peed on.  Tony does not give these broads the choice.  He said he always went on their face.  (If you can read that sentence without busting into laughter, you are a dull and boring person).  I went on to ask him if they wanted to pee on him as well.  He said some did want to pee on him, but he only let one of them actually do it.  There was another broad who ended up peeing on his hand.  Did she left a leg up and let it loose?  How does that even work?  Tony is not a small guy by any means.  His nickname we gave him was Shamu.  I would think a whale like him would feel at home getting pissed on.  He was not okay with it at all.  Tony wanted to share the experience though with his roommate.  He did not wash his hands.  He came out of the bathroom and high-fived Chester.  Tony told him what was all over his hand.  Chester was no longer enthused.  He also told me a broad from the gym randomly asked him if he would like to pee on her.  You cannot make this shit up.  He must have the look of a good fire hose on him.

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Personally, I am not into golden showers unless I got stung by a jellyfish.  I could support that the shower is the place to pee on people though.  The thought of getting pee on your bed and going on your mattress makes me cringe.  The carpet would probably be just as bad.  Nobody wants their house to smell like stale pee or to be known as stinky pee.  There is nothing about peeing on someone or someone peeing on me that gets me turned on.  However, if I was in a serious relationship and the guy wanted me to pee on him, I would kindly let it flow on him.  I am a team player and will try almost anything at least one time.  I said, “almost anything.”   

Just don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.

 

Drunk Subconscious

Have you ever struggled with what to do in a situation?  The inner debate within yourself.  There are plenty of times in life where the drunk you trumps the sober you.  It is similar to the angel and devil on each shoulder.  Who do you listen to?  Which one will win out?  

Aurora and Max had their friend in town.  I saw Aurora in a picture with this guy who caught my attention.  She told me it was their friend Oliver.  He was an attractive guy.  Aurora and Max had a feeling Oliver and I would vibe well.  They also know I do not do anything with strings attached to it.  This would have been a perfect situation for me.  

I was having people over at my house.  Aurora and Max brought Oliver and Jim to my place to party with us.  I totally dug Oliver’s vibe.  He was good people.  He was good-looking.  He did not live here.  I also received a side note about him.  *Oliver had a big dick*  It sounded like a great package deal.  I was drinking a lot that night.  At the end of the night, the sober, level-headed voice told me to have Oliver stay over and only sleep together.  You could tell a lot about a person by just sleeping with them in bed.  However, the drunk voice in my head told me to spread them legs and get it in.  Take one guess which voice won the argument?  Woof.

I wish I would have only slept in the same bed as him.  I would have realized having sex with him would be a bad idea.  Yes, he had a big dick, but it was not as big as my ex, Peter.  It was girth big.  The sex was okay.  It was nothing to write home about and I did not want to try it again.  

He thought I was shy in bed because he was trying to force me to dirty talk.  Never force anything.  It makes it very awkward and ruins the mood.  We just met and were having sex the same night.  It made me feel like Kevin Hart.  That is way too much to put your nasty on someone in the first night of meeting them.  Just shut up and fuck me.  As if it couldn’t get any worse, he was a cuddler.  Fack.  I barely got any sleep that night.  I was so uncomfortable.  I would try to scoot away from him because I have a king size bed.  He would either creep up behind me or pull me back to him. I needed space to sleep.  Jesus Mary and Joseph.  He started calling me gorgeous, baby and babe.  I loathe those terms when they are thrown around on a whim.

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All of that left a bad taste in my mouth.  The more I reflected on it the more I realized that I messed up.  I did not want to be around him after that.  If I would have just slept in the same bed with him, it would still be cool for me to be around him.  I ruined it by having sex with him.  I felt even worse because I think so much of Aurora and Max.  I made sure not to be rude to him.  I played the fade, arms length type responses.  I did not want to lead him on since I noticed he was liking everything I posted on the book of faces.  

Oliver was good people.  He was better as just a friend though.  My best friend, Jude, told me that I must have the circus in-between my legs since after one time Oliver was clambering over me.  Don’t worry there is no bearded lady at this circus act.  

A Letter from the Writer

A BIG Hello to all of you that follow or take the time to read my blog!  It has been just a little over a year since I started blogging.  I have a little under 50 followers.  There are 82 posts up on my site and 60 comments.  I do not write all the time.  I would like to start being more consistent.  It is a slight roller coaster ride.  I developed such a passion for writing while obtaining my bachelors degree at Duquesne University that I wanted to find an outlet for it.  The majority of you, who know me well, know why I chose the blog topic.  There is humor, honesty, and real feelings in my writings on here.  This blog is not for everyone.  There are people who like to keep what goes on in their bedroom behind closed doors.  There has never been any shame in my game.e9b36cbcc5565bf0d9d035740f3eb959

This hobby of mine helped me figure out what career I could see myself flourishing in the very near future.  I am currently studying for the GRE that I am set to take in November.  I will hopefully be starting grad school next fall in ‘Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling’ program with a concentration in ‘Marriage, Family and Sex Therapy.’  I have been in the healthcare industry since 2007.  I learned that I am not built to be a corporate person.  I do not like being put in a 87c7a9fa5bf3396724cc21843739d478box because corporate people hate not being able to categorize you in life.  I have never been able to fit in a box.  My personality colors outside the lines.  A therapist would be the perfect fit for me.  I would be able to help people.  That is what I want to do.  It feels great to be able to be there for someone and help them.  Those are all reasons that flow into coaching volleyball.  I love being a coach.  You get to be a role model for young kids.  You teach them skills in the sport and in life.  It is hard work growing up as a girl.  There are mean girls, emotions, and life that get in the way.

I used to think that after high school people were adults and grew up.  I quickly realized that not everyone grows up.  There are women in their 50’s and 60’s that still act like children.  Do you get upset over these types of people?  No.  You cannot live your life for other people.  You cannot please everyone.  You would kill yourself trying to do it.  Not everyone is going to be a fan of yours.  There will always be a small section of people waiting to see you fail in life.  Your job is to focus on yourself and the huge crowd of people rooting for you.  See the positive.  Ignore the negative.

af9bcdcbe9bac94850c737a006d84bd2This year alone..  

  • I had one person using another one’s identity to message me on Facebook.  I told the real person that they had been catfished.  I blocked the fake account and went on with my life.  A month later, this person then found their way to my blog and tried to write a nasty gram on here.  I spammed their comment and moved on.
  • I had another person leave a comment on my blog about being a bigger girl.  I took that opportunity and posted their message on my social media to show how sad and unfortunate some people are in their lives.
  • I recently heard their was a group of ladies bad mouthing me in Pittsburgh.  I left that city over three years ago.  Why would my name come up?  What is there to even say about me?  Do they not have anything else to talk about?  I have not thought about those people let alone the time or care to talk about them.  I had someone there to stick up for me and shame them for their child like antics.  They lived to tell about it since I am now writing about it.  Ha.
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I may have let those types of people have control over my feelings when I was younger.  Now, I am in control of how I feel.  Those ladies talking bad about me did not make me look bad.  They made themselves look bad.  It is humorous and sad that they are lacking that much substance in their life.  If you have that much extra time on your hands, you should go get another job, hobby, or help with a charity.  The negative, hateful Trump’s in the world are holding us down as a society.  Imagine if these people took that time and turned it into something positive for their everyday life.  I try to live9abd0a5fa99bfcb19cffbad2dd2b06fa the mantra of PLUR.  The world would be a better place if everyone tried to see the light in others and took each day as an opportunity to make a positive impact on it.  

I am a compassionate and honest person.  I am the type to send out birthday, anniversary, and thank you cards.  A letter in snail mail has a big impact.  It is nice to receive something other than the every day bills in the mail.  Someone gets married, has a kid, or loses a family member and I am the person to send them a card or a gift.  My one good guy friend in college lost his sister.  I sent him flowers.  My other good guy friend lost his grandmother in college.  We sat around passing a bottle of Bacardi 151.  Did I want to drink that?  No, but I did it anyway.  Another good guy friend was in the city for the holidays while everyone else was with their families.  I took him a couple of plates of food from my family dinner.  There was a group of girls that bullied me in Pittsburgh.  One night, one of those girls was hammered and left by herself at a bar.  I knew she lived somewhere on my route home.  I had someone help me carry her to my car.  She passed out in my car, so I had to call a mutual guy friend to help me find her house.  I woke her up and helped her into her house.  Did I have to do that?  No.  Would she have done the same for me?  Probably not.  Did I expect a thank you?  No.  Why did I do that?  Because that is the type of person I am at heart.

74849df6c6398c7dc2cae99002ab3163I have done some things in life that I would have done differently today.  I cannot go backwards in life.  I can only go forward.  We all sin differently.  Those mistakes, falls, bumps, sins and so on help make us who we are today.  I am human.  I am not and will never be perfect.  I can only hope to learn and grow as the days, months and years pass.  I have one full-time job.  I also have one and sometimes two part-time jobs.  I own my own home.  I have lived in different cities.  I have made lots of friends that turned into family along the way.  Some of those people left such lasting impressions on my heart and soul.  

I have and always will be bluntly honest.  That is why this blog is fun to write.  It is pure honesty with some fun humor and serious undertones.  It is a way to connect to people.  There are other people out there that have had the same experiences or are going through them.  So thank you to all of my followers, friends and family that have been supporting me on this fun journey.  I would also like to thank the negative people who try to throw bad energy my way.  It truly tests people’s characters on how to deal with those types of negative vibes.  It helps me sit back and reflect on how far I have come in life.  I appreciate all of you!  And here’s to another year of writing.  Stay tuned! 

With Love,  Britney Leigh 😉

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Just Say No

Some people think the word “no” is mean.  Sometimes the word “no” saves both parties time and energy.  We all have those friends or married friends that try and help us single people out.  Maybe some single people need a little push and shove help.  I am not one of those people.

I was out with one of my married friends for a ‘Sunday Funday.’  We went to grab some food before heading to a beach concert.  We had already been drinking and partying.  The bartender was giving Mila and I the over flow from the frozen drinks he was making other customers.  The gesture from the bartender sparked an idea for Mila and Willam.  They thought it would be a great plan to start a conversation with him.  They found out he was from Pittsburgh like us.  These two thought he was good looking.  They also thought we would be perfect together.  There was one problem with that thought.  He reminded me of my ex-boyfriend Gary.  We all know how much I love the thought of that guy.  ::insert heavy sarcasm::

I tried to explain to them that I did not want his number.  I may be single, but I have fun on the side with someone.  They couldn’t understand why I would want to pass up on this bartender.  The dynamic duo took my phone and put his number in it along with his name.  They proceeded to call him from my phone, so he had my number.  My polite way of trying to say “no” clearly fell on deaf ears.  Carter, the bartender, tried texting me to meet up at the concert.  I was too drunk and had no desire to hang out with him.  He sent me two messages Monday evening.  I was already asleep after he sent the second one.  He assumed that since I did not respond to his first message, an hour previous, that I must have been too drunk to remember him.  My thoughts as I read his two messages on Tuesday morning, “No, asshole I remembered you.  I just did not want to speak with you.”  I responded in a short tone manner.  I made sure to mention that he was coming off as impatient when it came to text messages.  I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week.  I thought I was in the clear since I was trying to make it apparent that I was not into him.

Saturday night arrives of that week.  I went out with my two best guy friends for wings, beer and playoff hockey.  Carter text messaged me asking what I was doing for the night.  Ugh.  My buddies saw the immediate reaction in my face upon looking at the message.  I explained to them the situation.  I responded to his text that I was out with my buddies at Hooters having wings and beer.  That clearly should have been understood that I was out with guy friends.  Carter proceeded to text me that he had an open bar tab at some bar if I wanted to hang out.  My buddies took it upon themselves to try and write a message back to Carter.  We sent a message to him asking if that meant it was for all of us since I wasn’t ditching my friends.  Carter came back with a douche bag response that the bar tab was for him and I only.  At this point, my two guy friends and I were all annoyed with him.  The next message he sent was truly hysterical and perplexing.  He said, “I know you don’t want to hang with me, it is what it is, you’re just gonna have to suck it up.”  Ha.  Carter caught the hint that I was not interested yet he thought that I did not have a choice in the matter?

I was right.  Carter more than resembled my ex-boyfriend Gary.  He also had a douche bag personality like him.  I am not a pro at picking the right men, but I am good at picking up on vibes.  He did not spark anything inside me let alone those good vibes.  His impatient messages and ignorant comments were irritating.  The best part was I realized I recognized him from Tinder.  I swiped left on him.  Ha.  I guess even in a stack of men I knew that he wasn’t a good match for me.  I love Mila and William for having good intentions.  It was heart warming that they care about me, but ain’t nobody got time for all that.  The next time I feel that way I will just say, “No.”  Carter can share his bar tab with another broad because I don’t care to suck anything up besides a drink in a straw. woman-drinking-red-cocktail-horiz_ceuyxz

Tinder: Update 1

imageI am really bad at remembering to message these guys back on Tinder.  I slightly suck at it.  I get called out for it too.  Whoops.  However, in my defense, some of these guys message me late at night during the week.  I have to let them know I am asleep by or before 10 o’clock during the week.  Late nights during the week are once in a blue moon now.  I am not old either.  I am seasoned.  I also know if I do not get enough sleep it better be for a good reason because I will be tired and cranky as all hell the following two days.  Ha.

This Devin guy uses emojis like it’s his job and he is getting paid for it.  I question if he is another gay straight man.  What happened to small talk?  This guy is taking it right to the altar.  I decided he was too cereal for me.  ::unmatched::

When did men become more desperate than women with an internal clock ticking away?  The majority of people  really do not like slapping a label on things right out the gate.  Where is the fun in that?  Most of us avoid that topic as long as we possibly can.  I cannot imagetake some of these guys seriously though.  This Daniel guy very well could have been joking.  However, he did say he really did like long walks on the beach.  What happened to the manly men?  Did gay straight men take over?  It is nice to walk on the beach with someone special to you, but I don’t want to hear how you love that and candle lit baths.  I would rather you not say anything to me, grab me up like a cavemen, throw me over your shoulder, throw me on the bed, and show me who is boss.  I do not want to sit around and talk about feelings with you or where our future is going.  If I wanted to do that, I would call one of my girlfriends or my gay best friends to come over for wine.

 

 

Tinder Experiment: Day 7 & 8

imageI was scrolling through my stack of men and a familiar face came up.  It was one of my good guy friends.  I obviously had to swipe right for him.  We knew it was fate.  HaHa.  It truly is funny that I have had a handful of people I knew or was friends with come up in my stack.  A little awkward for the guys I know, but I am not friends with them.  Awkward because I swiped left.  Sorry not sorry.

I was still struggling with which route I wanted to take with Arthur.  Friend path or more than friend path.  There were a lot of similarities to some of my ex boyfriends of regret past, especially Gary and Barry.  He did not seem like a bad guy at all.  He was a very cookie cutter type of guy.  Arthur made the comment he’s never been with a broad with a tongue ring.  He said he probably wouldn’t let me near his crotch.  I had a laugh at that since back in the day that was why most broads got their tongue pierced.  Tongues and metal rods on guys shafts supposedly does wonders for extreme hardening.  If he did not like the thought of a tongue ring, he would probably tell me I’m crazy when I asked him to choke me during sex.  Or he would hightail it out of my house.  ::pineapples bitch::  Arthur also referred to himself as a “pottery barn whore.”  He slightly reminded me of the gay straight man that was talked about on Sex and the City.  He was very nice, good looking, and had a great attitude.  I could see us being good friends though.

My exes Gary and Barry were both cookie cutter, short and bland in bed.  I don’t know what I want in a man, but I do know what I don’t want in a man.  I am too wild and love to color outside the lines.  Arthur and I were not going to work out as more than friends.  It reminded me of Chibs from Sons of Anarchy when he was banging the Sheriff Althea Jarry.  He told her that she was a cop and he was a criminal, so they cannot be scene walking hand in hand down the sidewalk.  Arthur and I were the same situation.  He knew I was writing about this on my blog.  I knew I had to tell him before I wrote about it.  That would be a real dick move if I did not tell him and just let him find out on here.  I am a compassionate and honest person, so I asked him if it was possible for us to be just friends and I explained how I was feeling about it.  I truly wanted to be friends with him and thought I was very kind with how I laid it out there.  He responded to me with, “That’s fine.”  That is not an ideal two word response.  I have tried to message him since and nothing.  We did not even kiss and Arthur was that salty.  Maybe it was a good thing I ended it before it started.  I didn’t want to end up like the movie ‘Safe Haven.’  Ha.

(side note:  After this post, I am just going to do updates on the experiment.  The days are stating to blend together.)

 

Tinder Experiment: Day 4

A lot of these guys must be on Tinder late night style because I wake up to messages a lot.  This broad is imageasleep by 10:00 pm at the latest during the work week.  I cannot function on little to no sleep like I used to in my younger 20’s.  The one creep somehow still was not annoyed by my responses and thought I did not get the concept of flirting or being sexy.  HaHa.  It was more fun being sarcastic and an asshole than coming out and telling him that I couldn’t take him seriously with the hand comments.

Arthur, one of the guys I gave my number to, asked me to grab a drink  after work with him.  I was a little apprehensive since my friends were telling me to take my taser with me.  I guess there are too many stories in the news of messed up situations.  I agreed to meet up with him.  My one friend Melissa was tracking me via the friend finder app on iPhone’s.  Ha.  I do not want my mom knowing about that app.  At the age of 32, she would be tracking me all day, every day.  

The meet and drink went surprisingly well.  I hate those kind of things too.  It is almost like a date. vince-vaughnWEDDING2.jpg.jpg Dating is so nerve racking to me.  It reminds me of Vince Vaughn in ‘Wedding Crashers.’  His explanation of dating is how I feel about it.  After two beers, I felt a little more relaxed.  Arthur reminded me a lot of Jaxon.  He truly was a normal guy.  He had a past to share like we all do.  It was good conversation.  I let him do the majority of the talking which was nice.  I hate feeling like I am talking just to avoid awkward silence.  Arthur walked me to my car like a gentleman.  We hugged and went on our separate ways.

Arthur is a very good looking guy and seems really nice.  I am open to getting to know him more as a person.  I am just unsure if it’s as a friend or more than.  I will always have reservations especially because I do not want to waste someone else’s time or mine.  Maybe the answer is in a kiss.  The only way to tell if there is potential chemistry.  I always think of my friend’s quote, “It’s all in the kiss.  If you don’t get a good kiss, you ain’t getting a good dick.”