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Love, Obsession, and Desperation

Love inspires many feelings, emotions, actions, regrets, and so on.  Love inspires me to throw up in my mouth.  However, love can turn into obsession and desperation.  This is when it turns into an addictive relationship.  There are both men and women who suffer from it.  I am willing to bet there are many of you thinking of a friend or even yourself that has or had this type of unhealthy addiction to someone.  What makes someone so desperate for another person?  It far surpasses being in love with them.  It loses the loving portion of the relationship.  It has more to do with the psychological need for keeping that other person at any cost to them.  The person is their drug.  You will do anything for the fix.

There have been quite a few of my friends that were in toxic or addictive relationships.  However, you cannot help these types of people break the cycle or get out of the relationship until they see the problem in their own mirror.  You try to support your friends through any choice they make because it is their life and not yours in the end.  It is hard to watch from the stands though.  How many times can you have the same pep talk with a certain friend?  How many times does it take for one couple to break up and get back together to realize that their relationship is like a bad movie on a loop?  It reminds me of Albert Einstein’s quote about insanity.  He said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

There was one couple I knew where the broad was addicted to the guy.  Lets call them Brad and Angelina.  They dated for several years.  The last few months of their relationship the sex life was non-existent.  Red flag.  Brad broke it off between them.  A normal reaction was to be upset about losing your partner especially after investing years with them.  Angelina had a bad habit of crying in public though.  That was not ideal for anyone.  People crying make others feel awkward.  One movie quote always came to mind, “Are you crying?  Are you crying?  ARE YOU CRYING?  There’s no crying!  THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!”   It continued for several months.  Brad was off doing him while she was drowning in tears to everyone around her.  He ended up feeling bad and tried to give it another go around with Angelina.  The friends noticed Brad was not himself when he was out with her.  She was a bit of a ‘Debbie Downer.’  That ride on the merry-go-round blew up pretty quick.  Everyone knew that was going to happen.  Angelina started the water works all over again.  She did that for a couple years.  Brad had fooled around, dated, and had another girlfriend while she probably never even slipped onto a different penis.  A year after their last crash and burn, Brad decided to give Angelina another spin around the track.

They were out to dinner with a big group of friends.  She literally had to be touching him through the entire dinner.  His hand.  His leg.  His arm.  It was as if she thought he would disappear into thin air if she let go of him.  Angelina was glued to his hip, petting his arm with her eyes fixated on him.  It reminded me of the crazy, redhead in ‘Wedding Crashers.’  It was pretty clear that she was addicted to Brad.  She never healed her wounds or dependency issues.  She only saw her glass as half empty without him instead of half full.  She only knew how to be a “we” instead of just a “me.”  There was no self-esteem in those thoughts.  If it didn’t work out after several years and a failed first reconciliation, why would it work now?  Can you evolve if you are still stuck on a person?  Are you that desperate for the fix of one human that you are willing to torture yourself all over again?   How many years can you cry over one person?  How much punishment is worth it?  As a friend, you have to sit back and enjoy your bowl of popcorn while it all plays out on the screen again.  Some people need more than a double feature.

An addiction to someone is not healthy which tips the scale and leaves balance behind.  The majority of people want a partner who can mingle and adapt in a social environment.  The opposite would be the types of people who need a babysitter or act as if they are on a leash.  They cannot go too far from you.  Everyone needs time to themselves or time with their own friends.  When you are married with kids, you need time for you, your husband, and your kids.  You cannot be a mom all of the time and neglect yourself and your husband.  People that have this addiction do not understand the rules of balance to healthy relationships.  There has to be balance in a relationship, friendship, marriage, eating, working out, and anything you do in life.  Moderation and balance are the keys to living stress free.

It is hard for me to understand those types of people’s way of thinking in relationships.  I learned a valuable lesson a long time ago that you need to be happy and content with yourself before you can add someone else to your picture frame.  You do not need someone to make you feel complete.  The only person who can truly make you feel whole is yourself.  I feel it goes hand in hand with “me time.”   Indulging in an orgasm with yourself is the most intimate you can be with your Miss Lucy.  That is truly loving yourself.  Once you are happy and love yourself then you are ready for someone to compliment you in your picture and in your vagina.

A relationship is also give and take between two people which includes the bedroom.  I understand that not everyone is confident or dominant in the bedroom.  If you know your counterpart always initiates sex, you should surprise them and take charge now and then.  Take the reins.  Crack the whip (figuratively or literally).  I am sure the results would be more than arousing.  It could be some of the best sex you had as a couple.  Why?  Because someone broke out of their mold and spiced it up.  It is normal to fall into a routine.  It happens to the best of us.  When you realize it, you need to do something to counteract it.  Never be afraid to color outside of the lines with your partner.  Let your mind be open just like your legs.

Jeepers Creepers

I can say with confidence everyone is guilty to a certain level of creeping on someone.  It is hard not to do with todays social media and technology.  It makes it pretty easy for someone to find out about another person.  However, some people take it to a whole other level.  They go above and beyond the little innocent creeping to almost stalking in a sense.  ::queue Michael Jackson:: “I always feel like somebody’s watching me..”

I have creeped on people via social media.  It is like window browsing.  You can look, but do not touch.  Amateurs are bad at it.  Some people do not know that LinkedIn shows you who looked at your profile or it tells you one of these people in a group looked at your profile.  You can always guess who it was that looked at your profile.  I have had numerous ex-boyfriends wives or girlfriends, old friends, or ex-boyfriends themselves show up on your LinkedIn.  Rookies.  There are the rookie mistakes of creeping on someone on Facebook and you end up requesting them as a friend.  That is my all time favorite.  I typically call those broads out for shits and giggles.  They are nine times out of ten friends with my guy friend’s new girlfriend.  This is all the innocent creeping.

One of the levels I have not graduated to is the drive by someone’s house.  I know quite a few females who have driven by the guy’s house.  Some have taken pictures as evidence to what cars they saw at the house.  Some have made me be the driver, so the guy would not recognize my car.  It is almost like stalking a person.  What drives a person to do this?  Trust?  Insecurity?  Paranoia?  I know a handful of broads that had decoy Facebook accounts.  They used them to creep.  The problem was they took it to a different level.  They would tell people it was a cousin.  They had a whole back story for this pretend person.  I had a girlfriend get mad at me once because I told someone it was really her.  Who has that kind of spare time to invest in making someone up?  If you have that little of trust in someone, you should probably not be dating them or interested in them.  Another level would be messaging other people who you think are interested in your someone.  I know a few ladies who have indulged in that guilty pleasure.  They try to mark their territory.  The problem with that is no one really cares.  If a wedding ring cannot deter someone from going after another person that is married, your message on social media will fall on deaf ears.  Those types of messages will be laughed at and looked at as crazy desperation.   

Some of my girlfriends are almost private investigator status.  They can find anything out.  My one best friend saw a picture of her man at a fancy bar and she felt like something was off that evening.  She looked up his ex girlfriend’s instagram account.  That broad had the exact same picture up.  They may not have been in each other’s pictures, but they were most definitely at the same bar.  I would say the only way to possibly get away with cheating is by not having any social media.  There is always a downloadcookie crumb trail left behind.

The problem with all of the creeping and stalking antics it kind of makes you look crazy.  It is not the type of crazy that majority of people want others to see in the daylight.  Most people like to hide that crazy in a locked trunk.  These gestures also do not help you keep your love interest or significant other in the long run.  Who wants to be with someone that you have to keep tabs on at all times?  You can stay ten steps ahead all the time, but you may be the one left behind in the end.

If you need some examples of creeping and looking crazy, click on these links from Kevin Hart’s stand up 🙂

Psychopath Girl

Bitch in the Trunk

 

Drunk Subconscious

Have you ever struggled with what to do in a situation?  The inner debate within yourself.  There are plenty of times in life where the drunk you trumps the sober you.  It is similar to the angel and devil on each shoulder.  Who do you listen to?  Which one will win out?  

Aurora and Max had their friend in town.  I saw Aurora in a picture with this guy who caught my attention.  She told me it was their friend Oliver.  He was an attractive guy.  Aurora and Max had a feeling Oliver and I would vibe well.  They also know I do not do anything with strings attached to it.  This would have been a perfect situation for me.  

I was having people over at my house.  Aurora and Max brought Oliver and Jim to my place to party with us.  I totally dug Oliver’s vibe.  He was good people.  He was good-looking.  He did not live here.  I also received a side note about him.  *Oliver had a big dick*  It sounded like a great package deal.  I was drinking a lot that night.  At the end of the night, the sober, level-headed voice told me to have Oliver stay over and only sleep together.  You could tell a lot about a person by just sleeping with them in bed.  However, the drunk voice in my head told me to spread them legs and get it in.  Take one guess which voice won the argument?  Woof.

I wish I would have only slept in the same bed as him.  I would have realized having sex with him would be a bad idea.  Yes, he had a big dick, but it was not as big as my ex, Peter.  It was girth big.  The sex was okay.  It was nothing to write home about and I did not want to try it again.  

He thought I was shy in bed because he was trying to force me to dirty talk.  Never force anything.  It makes it very awkward and ruins the mood.  We just met and were having sex the same night.  It made me feel like Kevin Hart.  That is way too much to put your nasty on someone in the first night of meeting them.  Just shut up and fuck me.  As if it couldn’t get any worse, he was a cuddler.  Fack.  I barely got any sleep that night.  I was so uncomfortable.  I would try to scoot away from him because I have a king size bed.  He would either creep up behind me or pull me back to him. I needed space to sleep.  Jesus Mary and Joseph.  He started calling me gorgeous, baby and babe.  I loathe those terms when they are thrown around on a whim.

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All of that left a bad taste in my mouth.  The more I reflected on it the more I realized that I messed up.  I did not want to be around him after that.  If I would have just slept in the same bed with him, it would still be cool for me to be around him.  I ruined it by having sex with him.  I felt even worse because I think so much of Aurora and Max.  I made sure not to be rude to him.  I played the fade, arms length type responses.  I did not want to lead him on since I noticed he was liking everything I posted on the book of faces.  

Oliver was good people.  He was better as just a friend though.  My best friend, Jude, told me that I must have the circus in-between my legs since after one time Oliver was clambering over me.  Don’t worry there is no bearded lady at this circus act.  

Just Say No

Some people think the word “no” is mean.  Sometimes the word “no” saves both parties time and energy.  We all have those friends or married friends that try and help us single people out.  Maybe some single people need a little push and shove help.  I am not one of those people.

I was out with one of my married friends for a ‘Sunday Funday.’  We went to grab some food before heading to a beach concert.  We had already been drinking and partying.  The bartender was giving Mila and I the over flow from the frozen drinks he was making other customers.  The gesture from the bartender sparked an idea for Mila and Willam.  They thought it would be a great plan to start a conversation with him.  They found out he was from Pittsburgh like us.  These two thought he was good looking.  They also thought we would be perfect together.  There was one problem with that thought.  He reminded me of my ex-boyfriend Gary.  We all know how much I love the thought of that guy.  ::insert heavy sarcasm::

I tried to explain to them that I did not want his number.  I may be single, but I have fun on the side with someone.  They couldn’t understand why I would want to pass up on this bartender.  The dynamic duo took my phone and put his number in it along with his name.  They proceeded to call him from my phone, so he had my number.  My polite way of trying to say “no” clearly fell on deaf ears.  Carter, the bartender, tried texting me to meet up at the concert.  I was too drunk and had no desire to hang out with him.  He sent me two messages Monday evening.  I was already asleep after he sent the second one.  He assumed that since I did not respond to his first message, an hour previous, that I must have been too drunk to remember him.  My thoughts as I read his two messages on Tuesday morning, “No, asshole I remembered you.  I just did not want to speak with you.”  I responded in a short tone manner.  I made sure to mention that he was coming off as impatient when it came to text messages.  I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week.  I thought I was in the clear since I was trying to make it apparent that I was not into him.

Saturday night arrives of that week.  I went out with my two best guy friends for wings, beer and playoff hockey.  Carter text messaged me asking what I was doing for the night.  Ugh.  My buddies saw the immediate reaction in my face upon looking at the message.  I explained to them the situation.  I responded to his text that I was out with my buddies at Hooters having wings and beer.  That clearly should have been understood that I was out with guy friends.  Carter proceeded to text me that he had an open bar tab at some bar if I wanted to hang out.  My buddies took it upon themselves to try and write a message back to Carter.  We sent a message to him asking if that meant it was for all of us since I wasn’t ditching my friends.  Carter came back with a douche bag response that the bar tab was for him and I only.  At this point, my two guy friends and I were all annoyed with him.  The next message he sent was truly hysterical and perplexing.  He said, “I know you don’t want to hang with me, it is what it is, you’re just gonna have to suck it up.”  Ha.  Carter caught the hint that I was not interested yet he thought that I did not have a choice in the matter?

I was right.  Carter more than resembled my ex-boyfriend Gary.  He also had a douche bag personality like him.  I am not a pro at picking the right men, but I am good at picking up on vibes.  He did not spark anything inside me let alone those good vibes.  His impatient messages and ignorant comments were irritating.  The best part was I realized I recognized him from Tinder.  I swiped left on him.  Ha.  I guess even in a stack of men I knew that he wasn’t a good match for me.  I love Mila and William for having good intentions.  It was heart warming that they care about me, but ain’t nobody got time for all that.  The next time I feel that way I will just say, “No.”  Carter can share his bar tab with another broad because I don’t care to suck anything up besides a drink in a straw. woman-drinking-red-cocktail-horiz_ceuyxz

Tinder: Update 5

I am “Tindered” out in little over a month.  It is clear that online dating sites or applications are not for me.  It was fun in the beginning.  I was just scrolling through a stack of possible men.  There imagewere guys that were good looking, weird, assholes, creeps, and so on.  You truly did not know what you were going to get with each swipe of your finger.  Not as endearing as a box of chocolates.

The problem for me was meeting someone online creates a veil of possible spark.  It seemed there could be interest there, but you were not completely sure since you hadn’t met them in person yet.  You shared pictures and conversation.  It seemed like there could be the ‘Zsa Zsa Zsu.’  It was actually ‘Zsa Zsa Ew.’  I only met three guys out for drinks the whole time I was on Tinder.  The one I previously wrote about which was not a fit for me.  The other one was very good looking and a nice guy, but there was no spark.  The last guy, who asked not to be a part of this, turned out to be very cool.  I wanted to be friends with him.  It worked out well that way.  None of them turned out to be real sparks though.  Which is why I did not have sex with any of them.

imageThe Tinder fairy tale book is closing for now.  I didn’t want to delete the application justimage in case I needed a laugh again.  The notifications are turned off though.  I will stick with the ‘ol fashioned way of meeting men while I am out and about.  It suits me much better.  I give a lot of credit to people who are on these sites really looking for someone because I got tired of it after a month.  Good luck to all you crazy guys and broads looking for tail or love.  I hope you all find your unicorns and white ponies!  God speed.

 

Tinder: Update 4

imageI do not know which type of guy is worse on Tinder.  The men who are imagecreeps and assholes or the desperate, broad type of men looking for a lifelong partnership.  Is there ever a happy medium?  Do not get me wrong there is nothing wrong with men looking for a serious relationship.  However, I do not think you should skip the small talk straight to the serious relationship talk.  That is usually put off until the three month mark.  I understand not wanting to beat around the bush, but it is a little much all at once in a first conversation.  I know my brutal honesty has been taken as intimidating with some men.  

The guy’s tattoo on the left had me cracking up.  He looks in the mirror every morning and gets a positive message every time, “You’re worth it.”  Can you imagine if a broad got that tattoo above her ass?  HaHa. 

imageWe also have the random married men on there.  They have no shame in their game.  This one in particular laid all his cards out on the table.  He is probably more honest than most men with a ring.  Or maybe his wife really doesn’t know.  Who knows.  It is still a gamble.  I stand firm on the fact that his package picture is nothing appealing to me.  I would much prefer a shirtless picture than that eggplant.  Can you imagine if broads went around posting pictures of them in their underwear showing their camel toes?  Lord, that is a disturbing image!  Ew!  ::Jimmy Fallon, Sara voice::

My surprise came when my one boss came up on my Tinder.  It was slightly awkward.  Do you swipe right, so he is not offended?  Or would he be more offended by you swiping right?  Is that work place sexual harassment?  I made a good joke out of it imageas you see from the screenshot.  He was a good sport about it.  The ironic thing is how many guys do catfish and steal other men’s pictures for their own.  I saw about four or five men posing to be Nick Bateman.  That is the other problem with online sites.  You have no idea if the person you are talking to really matches their pictures they have up on the site until you meet them in person.  I do not know if you blame the superficial world we live in or the narcissistic assholes.

 

 

Tinder: Update 2

There are a few nice, normal guys on Tinder.  However, the majority seem to be assholes, creeps, pigs and douche bags.  imageimageWho are these women out there allowing these “men” to talk to them in such a degrading, disrespecting manner?!  My girlfriends and I clearly know that it will not be tolerated with us.  Yes, sometimes it is funny and sometimes it is rude.  Who raised these boys?  Why do they think first conversation means they can ask every detail of your sex life?  Who said we wanted to have sex with them?  Did they miss the lesson where we learned that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? 

imageThese guys may be nice looking, but it does not mean we automatically want to sleep with them.  Swiping right is not the leg opener at least not for most women.  We like to take care of ourselves and our pikachus.  No one likes chipped ham or blown out tires down there.  I have not lost my “sex drive” since walking into the thirties club, but I am much more selective with who gets to water my flower bed.  I would rather go another nine months of no sex than sleep with a dog.  That is one reason I rescued a female puppy.  I hate the red rocket on male dogs.  There are enough creeps running around with their red rockets out that I did not want one in my house.

It truly amazes me that these “men” think talking to a broad like this will prosper them in any way.  They might as well put peanut butter on

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Eddie the Dickhole’s number please contact him if you’d like slutty sex

their dick and have their dog lick it off.  Because the majority of women are going to tell them to piss off.  The best part is I normally have no problem talking about sex hence this blog, but I do not owe you any details or truth if you are some random creep.  Eddie, the 26 year old creep, thought he could get all the details and names of who I slept with recently.  No sir, you are not privileged to that information.  Did he think coming at me with a tone was going to help sell his case of wanting to get his dick wet in my flower bed?  He asked if my friend I last slept with fucked me good.  I am pretty sure Eddie has more creepy crawlers in his crotch than worrying about my pristine Miss Lucy.  He can fuck off with his Section 8 dick.  

There may be people who do not like apple products.  However, the block feature on iPhone’s is the best thing since spanx.  Keep your head held high and your middle finger higher.  Bye Felicia.