Knuckles Up

What is the average age kids start to indulge in masturbation?  A child starts to notice they have special parts between the ages of two and three.  They play with themselves because it gives them a happy feeling inside.  The kids do not know what they are actually doing though.  The question is when do they realize what that sensation is to them.

My parents used to have parties all the time in Greene County.  The adults would bring the kids over.  The adults would be in the garage and the kids would be inside or on the play set.  There was always a long line for the bathroom.  I was not very good at peeing outside when I was young.  I was six or seven years old at the time.  One of the other girls told me I could get rid of having to pee if I laid on my fist.  She told me to put my fist on my crotch and to lay there until I did not have to pee anymore.  I told her that it gave me a tingling sensation.  She said it worked then.  That was the start of being a cookie monster.

I would lay on my fist every time that I had to pee.  I started doing it when I did not have to pee.  The sensation it gave me was addicting.  I remember in first or second grade that I laid down behind one of the book shelves in the library.  My girlfriends and I would always get a shower together to save time.  I would lay down on my fist before getting in the shower.  I was putting my knuckles up on my Miss Lucy every chance I got.  My mom caught me in our house doing it behind the spare bed.  The cookie monster was out of control.  My mom sat me down and told me that the sensation was actually an orgasm.  I still did not completely understand what that meant or why it was so addicting.

I want to say this is what triggered my openness to sexuality.  I have been getting myself off ever since that first moment.  I am no longer laying down behind bookshelves in schools.  Ha.  I do not want to get arrested for that.  I have graduated to just my bed and shower.  I also take advantage of toys instead of my knuckles.  If I am feeling a little hung over, I indulge in ‘me time’ to get the happy feelings flowing to pick me up.  I love seeing how many times I can get myself off in one sitting.  The record is currently holding at four times.  My one girlfriend recently tied me.  I was so happy for her, but I want to try for five now.  There are few things greater than being open and free with yourself, so you can round those bases into home plate.  Batter, I mean, knuckles up ladies!

Tinder Experiment: Day 7 & 8

imageI was scrolling through my stack of men and a familiar face came up.  It was one of my good guy friends.  I obviously had to swipe right for him.  We knew it was fate.  HaHa.  It truly is funny that I have had a handful of people I knew or was friends with come up in my stack.  A little awkward for the guys I know, but I am not friends with them.  Awkward because I swiped left.  Sorry not sorry.

I was still struggling with which route I wanted to take with Arthur.  Friend path or more than friend path.  There were a lot of similarities to some of my ex boyfriends of regret past, especially Gary and Barry.  He did not seem like a bad guy at all.  He was a very cookie cutter type of guy.  Arthur made the comment he’s never been with a broad with a tongue ring.  He said he probably wouldn’t let me near his crotch.  I had a laugh at that since back in the day that was why most broads got their tongue pierced.  Tongues and metal rods on guys shafts supposedly does wonders for extreme hardening.  If he did not like the thought of a tongue ring, he would probably tell me I’m crazy when I asked him to choke me during sex.  Or he would hightail it out of my house.  ::pineapples bitch::  Arthur also referred to himself as a “pottery barn whore.”  He slightly reminded me of the gay straight man that was talked about on Sex and the City.  He was very nice, good looking, and had a great attitude.  I could see us being good friends though.

My exes Gary and Barry were both cookie cutter, short and bland in bed.  I don’t know what I want in a man, but I do know what I don’t want in a man.  I am too wild and love to color outside the lines.  Arthur and I were not going to work out as more than friends.  It reminded me of Chibs from Sons of Anarchy when he was banging the Sheriff Althea Jarry.  He told her that she was a cop and he was a criminal, so they cannot be scene walking hand in hand down the sidewalk.  Arthur and I were the same situation.  He knew I was writing about this on my blog.  I knew I had to tell him before I wrote about it.  That would be a real dick move if I did not tell him and just let him find out on here.  I am a compassionate and honest person, so I asked him if it was possible for us to be just friends and I explained how I was feeling about it.  I truly wanted to be friends with him and thought I was very kind with how I laid it out there.  He responded to me with, “That’s fine.”  That is not an ideal two word response.  I have tried to message him since and nothing.  We did not even kiss and Arthur was that salty.  Maybe it was a good thing I ended it before it started.  I didn’t want to end up like the movie ‘Safe Haven.’  Ha.

(side note:  After this post, I am just going to do updates on the experiment.  The days are stating to blend together.)


Alone and Happy

images (1)Every person has at least one friend who has had more boyfriends and girlfriends than the amount of times you change your underwear in a week.  It is bad when even I can’t keep up with every guy or girl you have dated in your life.  I have a pretty good memory too.  Are these people so afraid of being alone that they would rather be with all the wrong people?  Or are these people just doing it for the fun and the perks of  it?  

I have had a total of five serious boyfriends in my life and I am 32 years old.  I have dated and hung out with other guys throughout my walk in life.  They did not get the label like the clothes that hang in  my closet.  I have not always had thee greatest taste in men.  Out of the five boyfriends, I am only on friend terms with two of them.  The other three could get hit by a car and not phase me.  I am sure that sounds horrid, but they are a part of some reasons why I am guarded when it comes to my heart.  The other reasons would be seeing other relationships and marriages.  Those ones make me feel grateful for being single.  I would rather be single and happy than with someone and miserable.  I do not want to be the schmuck ever again.  The schmuck who has their significant other cheating on them.

quotes_(4)I am grateful that I am able to stand on my own two feet and say I am happy.  It is an amazing feeling to say that and be sincere in meaning it.  I have three jobs.  I also have a fun hobby of writing.  I just purchased my first home.  It feels incredible to have all of that and know I am the one responsible for it and my happiness in life.  I did not need a man to make any of those things possible for me.  There are not many people who can stand on their own two feet and be happy with just themselves.  It helps you get to know yourself better.  It also helps you realize you do not “need” someone in your life to feel complete.  You have to know how to love yourself and feel complete in life before you can find someone to “compliment” you.