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Jeepers Creepers

I can say with confidence everyone is guilty to a certain level of creeping on someone.  It is hard not to do with todays social media and technology.  It makes it pretty easy for someone to find out about another person.  However, some people take it to a whole other level.  They go above and beyond the little innocent creeping to almost stalking in a sense.  ::queue Michael Jackson:: “I always feel like somebody’s watching me..”

I have creeped on people via social media.  It is like window browsing.  You can look, but do not touch.  Amateurs are bad at it.  Some people do not know that LinkedIn shows you who looked at your profile or it tells you one of these people in a group looked at your profile.  You can always guess who it was that looked at your profile.  I have had numerous ex-boyfriends wives or girlfriends, old friends, or ex-boyfriends themselves show up on your LinkedIn.  Rookies.  There are the rookie mistakes of creeping on someone on Facebook and you end up requesting them as a friend.  That is my all time favorite.  I typically call those broads out for shits and giggles.  They are nine times out of ten friends with my guy friend’s new girlfriend.  This is all the innocent creeping.

One of the levels I have not graduated to is the drive by someone’s house.  I know quite a few females who have driven by the guy’s house.  Some have taken pictures as evidence to what cars they saw at the house.  Some have made me be the driver, so the guy would not recognize my car.  It is almost like stalking a person.  What drives a person to do this?  Trust?  Insecurity?  Paranoia?  I know a handful of broads that had decoy Facebook accounts.  They used them to creep.  The problem was they took it to a different level.  They would tell people it was a cousin.  They had a whole back story for this pretend person.  I had a girlfriend get mad at me once because I told someone it was really her.  Who has that kind of spare time to invest in making someone up?  If you have that little of trust in someone, you should probably not be dating them or interested in them.  Another level would be messaging other people who you think are interested in your someone.  I know a few ladies who have indulged in that guilty pleasure.  They try to mark their territory.  The problem with that is no one really cares.  If a wedding ring cannot deter someone from going after another person that is married, your message on social media will fall on deaf ears.  Those types of messages will be laughed at and looked at as crazy desperation.   

Some of my girlfriends are almost private investigator status.  They can find anything out.  My one best friend saw a picture of her man at a fancy bar and she felt like something was off that evening.  She looked up his ex girlfriend’s instagram account.  That broad had the exact same picture up.  They may not have been in each other’s pictures, but they were most definitely at the same bar.  I would say the only way to possibly get away with cheating is by not having any social media.  There is always a downloadcookie crumb trail left behind.

The problem with all of the creeping and stalking antics it kind of makes you look crazy.  It is not the type of crazy that majority of people want others to see in the daylight.  Most people like to hide that crazy in a locked trunk.  These gestures also do not help you keep your love interest or significant other in the long run.  Who wants to be with someone that you have to keep tabs on at all times?  You can stay ten steps ahead all the time, but you may be the one left behind in the end.

If you need some examples of creeping and looking crazy, click on these links from Kevin Hart’s stand up 🙂

Psychopath Girl

Bitch in the Trunk

 

Sins

What is an affair?  Is it only when you physically engage in a sexual act with someone while you are united with another person?  Could it be when you are exchanging friendly messages with someone yet erase the conversations?  If you have to hide it from your significant other, you are already having an affair of sorts.  

If you meet a good-looking man or woman out and they are wearing a wedding ring, what do you do?  The vast majority of everyone including myself immediately shuts down the attraction.  They are taken.  I do not sniff that kind of man out or want to be stirring random pots.  Have I slept with a taken man before?  Yes.  The difference was it was with men I have known and been with for a very long time.  I know, I know, you are judging me as you read that sentence.  I am not using character names for this post due to the significance of it.  Plus, I have long histories with quite a few men.  Keep in mind we all sin differently in life.  You should try to reserve judgement.  No one likes a Judgey McJudgerson holier than though type of person.  amanda-bynes-easy-a

The one guy was engaged.  We had a long history.  Tequila was involved in our evening.  We ended up in the back seat of my car behind a bar going at it like teenagers.  Did I regret it?  No.  Why you ask?  It was as if it was the closure our long intertwined history needed before he jumped the broom.  A part of me loved him and hoped the wedding would not happen.  Two nights before his big day, he text messaged me and asked me to meet him and our buddies out.  I kindly declined.  The night before his big day, he text messaged me and wanted to see me.  It took everything in me to not go see him.  I was realistic with myself and knew he wouldn’t call off the wedding for me.  I was not delusional.  It was not meant to be for him and I.  The other thought was would he do the same thing to me that he was doing to her?

Another guy friend and I were entangled well over a decade before he started dating his now wife.  We were friends before ever sleeping together.  When we started having sex, it was before he started dating his significant other.  I knew I would never have a chance of running into her or meeting her.  We took precautions to keep it quiet after he got engaged.  You are thinking to yourself, “How could she?”  There is a certain way that I look at it.  It is not my mirror to look in every day.  It is his mirror.  It is his relationship.  I truly thought after he got married our long history of bedding adventures would be over.  He was in town one night for a gig and text messaged me.  I went to meet up with him.  Long story short, we ended up in his hotel room still catching up while he was playing Clash of Clans like a nerd.  He asked me what I thought could happen between us.  I told him that I figured our extracurricular activities were over since he took the big plunge.  I also made sure he knew I was not going to be the one to make the first move.  You are thinking, “Why would that matter?”  I know “most” men will not turn down sex.  I did not want to offer it and ruin anything because I made the first move.  I put the ball in his court, so it was his decision to make since it was his marriage.  He chose to cross that line with me.  Did I regret it?  No.  It was his choice.

These are men I have known and been tangled up with for many years.  They are not some randoms that I picked up in a bar.  I know this is not considered high morals for c818422d8d45d68c86f8a3d757514562.jpgmany people.  This is a grey area in my book.  It is hard to forget about all of the history.  Do I have sex with all beaus in my past?  No, absolutely not.  Do I feel guilty about my sins?  No.  I do not have to look into their mirror for their relationship.  That burden is on them.  What’s ironic is that ten years ago I would have said, “I could never do that.”  This is when I learned you truly do not know what you would do until faced with that situation.  You can say you would never do something hypothetically twenty times over.  The problem is when you are actually faced with the situation that your high and mighty attitude could sing a different tune.

One good guy friend of mine had a girlfriend that I became very good friends with in college.  They dated for a long time.  Things seemed to fall a part between them when they were approaching the “Shit or get off the pot” question.  They broke up and went their separate ways.  He started dating someone else.  I cannot remember if he was engaged to this other woman or not, but we were all out one night and he told our girl he was still in love with her.  She shrugged it off since he was drunk.  I told her our true feelings are revealed when alcohol is involved.  There are no filters.  She did not want to re-open her mended heart.  He went onto marry the girl he settled for while she went onto marry someone else as well.  My guy friend was caught numerous times looking at her wedding pictures on social media.  I believe he loved the girl he married, but I also believe a part of him would always love the other one.  You have to wonder if it’s fair to the person you married that part of your heart will always be with another.  Is there any way to truly let go of someone who you loved and cared about on a deep level?  I do not think it is always possible to let go completely.  History always comes into play.

There are other past beaus and guy friends that have come to me for conversation.  Some like to talk about the past.  Others need someone to vent to about what is lacking in their relationships.  Most of them would never dare act on anything.  Fantasizing about another person does not mean your marriage or relationship is over.  It is healthy to a point.  My one best friend’s dad once said, “The day I stop looking at women is when I die.  That’s how you know you’re not dead yet.”  Some of us need an outlet to talk about our frustrations.  It is easier to talk about it with someone whose feelings cannot be hurt by it.  As I said though, it is only healthy to a certain extent.  Even if you do not act on your desires, it does not mean you are not cheating on your significant other in a different way.  I feel a lot of my friends come to me because they know they can trust me.  I would never go around stirring pots or spilling beans for gossip sake.  It would ruin or take a toll on their relationships.  The backlash on me would be absurd.  Nothing would ever make it worth while to me.  This is probably part of the reason I am applying to graduate school in the Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling program with a concentration in Family and Marriage, Relationship, and Sex Therapy.  (Shocker Alert).

There are some fairy tale endings in life.  Those people who are meant to be together and never stepped outside of their significant other.  Or maybe they had a hiccup in their relationship and got themselves back on track.  It does not make you a monster or a horrible person.  We are human.  We make mistakes.  We are not perfect.  However, I do not believe everyone was meant to be penguins and mate for life.  A lot of people settle in life.  That is why wandering thoughts, hands and penises happen in relationships. 

 

It Wasn’t Love

I have had five serious relationships.  Out of those five guys, three of them told me they loved me.  I said I loved them too.  The problem was I did not know what love was in life.  I thought you were supposed to say it back.  In those three relationships, it was not love.

Gary said he loved me.  Love does not mean you lie to a person.  Love does not mean you lie to others about your significant other.  Love does not mean you leave bruises on your girlfriend.  None of those scream “I love you.”  Those actually say the complete opposite.  He never listened to me.  A great example of that was when I told him I wanted a kitten.  I told him I wanted a fluffy tailed, fancy feast kitten.  He brought home a one year old, short-haired Manx with a nub as a tail.  It was the complete opposite of what I wanted as a pet.  My best girl friends and I still laugh about that to this day.  I look back at that relationship and think why on God’s green earth did I stay with him for two years.  He did not love me and the sex was bad.  I was young and dumb.

Barry said he loved me.  He cheated on me multiple times and lied to me so many times I lost count.  The worst part is I caught him cheating three times.  I still stayed with him.  I had put on weight for the first time in my life.  I weighed 112 pounds since I graduated high school until 2010 when we were dating.  I was depressed.  I needed someone who actually loved me.  Instead, this point me deeper in the hole.  The fourth time I caught him cheating and lying to me was different.  I broke up with him.  I was sick of feeling worthless.  I was better than that.  I deserved better than him.  I had one glory story to take away from that relationship.  We were at our local water hole one evening.  He was telling a “N” word joke to his friends in front of me.  He knew how much I hated that word.  I asked him if he would still tell that joke if any one of my black friends were standing there with us.  His answer was no.  I said that is what makes it wrong.  He had us go outside to finish our argument.  He called me a cunt and told me to shut the fuck up.  I upper cut punched him in the lower stomach.  He turned to run and threw up.  The movie ‘Semi Pro’ was right.  If you get punched in the lower jejunum, it does cause you to throw up.  He then ran home like Forest Gump.

The third guy was Jerry.  I will talk about him another time.  That relationship was its own bowl of Trix cereal.

Men and women should not stay in toxic relationships.  They should run when someone says they love them, but their actions say otherwise.  If you get physical with your significant other, that is not love.  The police getting involved in your relationship is not love.  Love is not hitting your girlfriend/boyfriend with your car not once but twice.  Love should not physically hurt you.  samanthascrewyouSex is just sex.  Sex does not mean you love someone.  When the negatives out weigh the positives, that is not love.  You should be smiling more than you are crying.  You should be hugging more than fighting.  No relationship will ever be perfect because no human being is perfect.  Relationships do require some work, but it should not be fighting an uphill battle all the time.  Love is trust.  Love is being able to openly communicate with someone.  Love should make you feel like you are floating in the clouds.

My past relationships have made me jaded towards men.  I know I should not let that hold me back from meeting new men, but I love me more.  I do not want to be beat down by some guy who does not deserve the time of day from me.  There are many reasons why I am not dying to be married.  There are plenty of reasons why I do not want to be in a relationship at all.  My heart is under lock and key.  It is hidden by very high concrete walls.  Maybe one day, a man worthy of my heart will break down those walls.  He could find the key to unlock my heart.  Until that day, I am happy with myself.  It is a wonderful feeling.  You do not need a significant other to be happy in life.  You only need to love yourself and be happy with who you are as a person.  The rest is out of your hands.