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Love, Obsession, and Desperation

Love inspires many feelings, emotions, actions, regrets, and so on.  Love inspires me to throw up in my mouth.  However, love can turn into obsession and desperation.  This is when it turns into an addictive relationship.  There are both men and women who suffer from it.  I am willing to bet there are many of you thinking of a friend or even yourself that has or had this type of unhealthy addiction to someone.  What makes someone so desperate for another person?  It far surpasses being in love with them.  It loses the loving portion of the relationship.  It has more to do with the psychological need for keeping that other person at any cost to them.  The person is their drug.  You will do anything for the fix.

There have been quite a few of my friends that were in toxic or addictive relationships.  However, you cannot help these types of people break the cycle or get out of the relationship until they see the problem in their own mirror.  You try to support your friends through any choice they make because it is their life and not yours in the end.  It is hard to watch from the stands though.  How many times can you have the same pep talk with a certain friend?  How many times does it take for one couple to break up and get back together to realize that their relationship is like a bad movie on a loop?  It reminds me of Albert Einstein’s quote about insanity.  He said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

There was one couple I knew where the broad was addicted to the guy.  Lets call them Brad and Angelina.  They dated for several years.  The last few months of their relationship the sex life was non-existent.  Red flag.  Brad broke it off between them.  A normal reaction was to be upset about losing your partner especially after investing years with them.  Angelina had a bad habit of crying in public though.  That was not ideal for anyone.  People crying make others feel awkward.  One movie quote always came to mind, “Are you crying?  Are you crying?  ARE YOU CRYING?  There’s no crying!  THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!”   It continued for several months.  Brad was off doing him while she was drowning in tears to everyone around her.  He ended up feeling bad and tried to give it another go around with Angelina.  The friends noticed Brad was not himself when he was out with her.  She was a bit of a ‘Debbie Downer.’  That ride on the merry-go-round blew up pretty quick.  Everyone knew that was going to happen.  Angelina started the water works all over again.  She did that for a couple years.  Brad had fooled around, dated, and had another girlfriend while she probably never even slipped onto a different penis.  A year after their last crash and burn, Brad decided to give Angelina another spin around the track.

They were out to dinner with a big group of friends.  She literally had to be touching him through the entire dinner.  His hand.  His leg.  His arm.  It was as if she thought he would disappear into thin air if she let go of him.  Angelina was glued to his hip, petting his arm with her eyes fixated on him.  It reminded me of the crazy, redhead in ‘Wedding Crashers.’  It was pretty clear that she was addicted to Brad.  She never healed her wounds or dependency issues.  She only saw her glass as half empty without him instead of half full.  She only knew how to be a “we” instead of just a “me.”  There was no self-esteem in those thoughts.  If it didn’t work out after several years and a failed first reconciliation, why would it work now?  Can you evolve if you are still stuck on a person?  Are you that desperate for the fix of one human that you are willing to torture yourself all over again?   How many years can you cry over one person?  How much punishment is worth it?  As a friend, you have to sit back and enjoy your bowl of popcorn while it all plays out on the screen again.  Some people need more than a double feature.

An addiction to someone is not healthy which tips the scale and leaves balance behind.  The majority of people want a partner who can mingle and adapt in a social environment.  The opposite would be the types of people who need a babysitter or act as if they are on a leash.  They cannot go too far from you.  Everyone needs time to themselves or time with their own friends.  When you are married with kids, you need time for you, your husband, and your kids.  You cannot be a mom all of the time and neglect yourself and your husband.  People that have this addiction do not understand the rules of balance to healthy relationships.  There has to be balance in a relationship, friendship, marriage, eating, working out, and anything you do in life.  Moderation and balance are the keys to living stress free.

It is hard for me to understand those types of people’s way of thinking in relationships.  I learned a valuable lesson a long time ago that you need to be happy and content with yourself before you can add someone else to your picture frame.  You do not need someone to make you feel complete.  The only person who can truly make you feel whole is yourself.  I feel it goes hand in hand with “me time.”   Indulging in an orgasm with yourself is the most intimate you can be with your Miss Lucy.  That is truly loving yourself.  Once you are happy and love yourself then you are ready for someone to compliment you in your picture and in your vagina.

A relationship is also give and take between two people which includes the bedroom.  I understand that not everyone is confident or dominant in the bedroom.  If you know your counterpart always initiates sex, you should surprise them and take charge now and then.  Take the reins.  Crack the whip (figuratively or literally).  I am sure the results would be more than arousing.  It could be some of the best sex you had as a couple.  Why?  Because someone broke out of their mold and spiced it up.  It is normal to fall into a routine.  It happens to the best of us.  When you realize it, you need to do something to counteract it.  Never be afraid to color outside of the lines with your partner.  Let your mind be open just like your legs.

Me or We?

When you are single in life, it is only you.  There are two of you when you are a part of a couple.  Me becomes we.  There is nothing wrong with this transition.  It is okay to be in a relationship.  It is nice having someone stand next to you and hold your hand.  However, if you lose yourself completely, that can be a problem.

People in relationships are not the only ones guilty of adding to this problem.  If your friend Sally shows up to the bar without her other half, you skip over ‘Hello’ and immediately ask her, “Where’s Bob?”  Sally was just dismissed as a person because she was not with her significant other.  Why do the majority of people skip over someone?  Do you have to lose yourself when you become a part of a ‘We?’

The other people that contribute to this problem are the ones who cannot do anything without their significant other.  Were you not an individual before you became a couple?  Why can’t you come out by yourself?  Will you combust into nothing if you step out by yourself?  It is not healthy to be with your other half all day, every day.  It is a great being able to share your life with someone.  It is wonderful if you find that person to compliment who you are as a person.  None of that means you have to give up your whole self to be a part of a couple.  Couples that will go the distance are the ones that understand the importance of balance in a relationship.

Everyone needs time to themselves or time with their own friends.  When you are married with kids, you need time for you, your husband, and your kids.  You cannot be a mom all the time and neglect yourself and your husband.  There has to be balance in a relationship, friendship, marriage, eating, working out, and anything you do in life.  Moderation and balance are the keys in life.

Where Am I?

Majority of everyone loves a drinking night out with their friends.  Some of us may indulge in a little more drinking than others.  One of your friends introduces you to one of their good-looking guy or broad friends.  You both hit it off.  The shots start flowing through the evening.  Everyone splits up at the end of the night.  Your memory is a little bit of a haze.  How did the morning start the next day?

I went out one night with my girlfriends in Southside.  My good friend, Audrey, introduced me to her friend Max.  He was a good-looking guy.  We were bouncing around from bar to bar.  Max and I started to flirt with one another.  We started ripping shots and dancing the night away.  It was 2:00 am and time to figure out where we were all laying our heads down.  I got in a cab with a handful of people and Max.  My memory stopped there.

I woke up looking at a wall.  I realized I did not recognize anything in my sight line.  Panic set in.  Fuck!  I became very aware I was naked.  I started cursing at myself for drinking so much.  I slowly rolled over to see if anyone was next to me.  I was not alone.  I saw Max looking at me.  Whew!  I knew the guy at least.  I asked him if we had sex.  He started to laugh at me.  Max replied, “You don’t remember, do you?”  He basically just answered my question with a big yes.

I was more bummed out I did not remember the sex at that point.  He was even better looking without clothes on.  It had been a couple of months since I had sex.  I started wondering if he would allow a second chance, so I could remember it this time.  Luckily, Max was down for another round.  We ended up spending almost the entire day in bed having sex.  We did take a break for food.  He was amazed at how I did not need lube.  Max was able to keep my light switch turned on.  We were standing up next to his bed.  He lifted me up as if to carry me.  We started fucking with him holding me up in the air.  I was in heaven.

A lot of those types of stories could end badly.  You could end up with a random.  It is always scary for a moment not knowing where your evening ended.  No idea where your morning was starting for the next day.  My parents always told me to remember the word moderation.  My mom even told Audrey that word once at a Steeler tailgate.  It is a good word to practice.  The only problem with it is where is the fun in that?  Sometimes it is fun to wake up and not know where you are.  You could do that in moderation.  If you woke up in a different person’s bed all the time, you should probably get tested and start doing kegel exercises.  No one wants a broad that cannot hold in her Ben Wa Balls or that gets them lost inside of her.