Archives

Drunk Subconscious

Have you ever struggled with what to do in a situation?  The inner debate within yourself.  There are plenty of times in life where the drunk you trumps the sober you.  It is similar to the angel and devil on each shoulder.  Who do you listen to?  Which one will win out?  

Aurora and Max had their friend in town.  I saw Aurora in a picture with this guy who caught my attention.  She told me it was their friend Oliver.  He was an attractive guy.  Aurora and Max had a feeling Oliver and I would vibe well.  They also know I do not do anything with strings attached to it.  This would have been a perfect situation for me.  

I was having people over at my house.  Aurora and Max brought Oliver and Jim to my place to party with us.  I totally dug Oliver’s vibe.  He was good people.  He was good-looking.  He did not live here.  I also received a side note about him.  *Oliver had a big dick*  It sounded like a great package deal.  I was drinking a lot that night.  At the end of the night, the sober, level-headed voice told me to have Oliver stay over and only sleep together.  You could tell a lot about a person by just sleeping with them in bed.  However, the drunk voice in my head told me to spread them legs and get it in.  Take one guess which voice won the argument?  Woof.

I wish I would have only slept in the same bed as him.  I would have realized having sex with him would be a bad idea.  Yes, he had a big dick, but it was not as big as my ex, Peter.  It was girth big.  The sex was okay.  It was nothing to write home about and I did not want to try it again.  

He thought I was shy in bed because he was trying to force me to dirty talk.  Never force anything.  It makes it very awkward and ruins the mood.  We just met and were having sex the same night.  It made me feel like Kevin Hart.  That is way too much to put your nasty on someone in the first night of meeting them.  Just shut up and fuck me.  As if it couldn’t get any worse, he was a cuddler.  Fack.  I barely got any sleep that night.  I was so uncomfortable.  I would try to scoot away from him because I have a king size bed.  He would either creep up behind me or pull me back to him. I needed space to sleep.  Jesus Mary and Joseph.  He started calling me gorgeous, baby and babe.  I loathe those terms when they are thrown around on a whim.

1156324512-sticker_375x360_u4

All of that left a bad taste in my mouth.  The more I reflected on it the more I realized that I messed up.  I did not want to be around him after that.  If I would have just slept in the same bed with him, it would still be cool for me to be around him.  I ruined it by having sex with him.  I felt even worse because I think so much of Aurora and Max.  I made sure not to be rude to him.  I played the fade, arms length type responses.  I did not want to lead him on since I noticed he was liking everything I posted on the book of faces.  

Oliver was good people.  He was better as just a friend though.  My best friend, Jude, told me that I must have the circus in-between my legs since after one time Oliver was clambering over me.  Don’t worry there is no bearded lady at this circus act.  

One and Done

Has anyone ever had someone “hit it and quit it?”

I went 31 years before it happened to me.  I met a guy at a beach concert. I typically would have paid him no attention and walked away from him.  I had just gotten groped by a random in my bikini and was ready to punch any male that approached me.  He bought my guy friends a round of drinks and shots.  Bill even asked my guy friends permission to dance with me.  Bill went as far as telling me, “I don’t want you to think I am taking advantage of you since you are drinking.”  He would kiss me on the cheek or forehead instead of on my lips.  I gave him my number and we went our separate ways.  I will give it to him he buttered me up good.  Three weeks of phone calls which is rare these days along with text messages.  Bill making plans for us to go out.  I actually really liked him at this point.  I finally gave into having sex with him.  I was on a three-month hiatus of no sex.  I was hoping for something amazing.  His zebra print boxer booty briefs should have been a red flag.  Bill did not attempt foreplay with me besides compliment my nipples and ass.  I was kind and did a job for him.  We have sex and it maybe lasted ten minutes.  I am being generous.  It was the first time we slept together which is not always the greatest one.  I tried not to dwell on it.

Bill continues to text me.  Two days later, I am unfriended on Facebook.  I am confused and slightly pissed off at him.  I send a few text messages.  He ignores and asks me which one of my friends wants to fight him.  Bill proceeds to tell me how he’ll beat him up.

I am confused at why someone would put so much time and effort into a person if they only planned to one and done them.  I value my time and effort.  I would not waste my time on pursuing someone for only one time with them.  I was hurt because I liked him.  I was more angry at myself though.  How did I let Bill get one past me with his bullshit?  He was just a douche that fooled me.

I got the last laugh though twice.  He called me saying, “Hey what’s up? I lost all the names to my numbers in my phone. Who is this?”  I thought this was a joke.  He proceeds to tell me to give him hints.  On the third hint, I said, “I haven’t seen you since you came over on your lunch hour one Friday afternoon.”  He goes, “Oh my god!  You hate me!”  I am full on laughing at this point.  We had a hilarious, awkward, weird conversation for two minutes.  I was loving that for those two minutes he felt like a complete asshole.  The last laugh was a couple of weeks ago.  I ran into him for the first time in two months.  He gave me a weird, awkward, high-five/hand shake thing and kept walking past me.  I ordered him a shot of Patron and Grand Marnier together.  I asked the bartender to give it to him and say it was on the house.  His face looked like he wanted to die or throw up after taking the shot.

The moral of the story… his looks were not worth his notch on my bed post.