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Who Has to Tinkle?

Who has peed in the shower before?  If I am in the shower alone, I usually pee in there.  It is something about that water hitting your body that makes you have to pee even if you just went to the bathroom.  I would never pee in the shower if someone else was in there.  That is just rude.  Granted, pee is sterile and helps prevent foot fungus.  You are welcome for that fun fact.67c1e7d975cde162148b18a33d18d326.jpg

One time, Tony and I were having a conversation about sex.  He told me there have been several women that have asked him to pee on them.  I was pretty intrigued by this statement since there was more than one of these ladies with that request.  I started firing off a bunch of questions.  He told me he only obliged their request when they were in the shower.  I wondered where does one want to be peed on.  Tony does not give these broads the choice.  He said he always went on their face.  (If you can read that sentence without busting into laughter, you are a dull and boring person).  I went on to ask him if they wanted to pee on him as well.  He said some did want to pee on him, but he only let one of them actually do it.  There was another broad who ended up peeing on his hand.  Did she left a leg up and let it loose?  How does that even work?  Tony is not a small guy by any means.  His nickname we gave him was Shamu.  I would think a whale like him would feel at home getting pissed on.  He was not okay with it at all.  Tony wanted to share the experience though with his roommate.  He did not wash his hands.  He came out of the bathroom and high-fived Chester.  Tony told him what was all over his hand.  Chester was no longer enthused.  He also told me a broad from the gym randomly asked him if he would like to pee on her.  You cannot make this shit up.  He must have the look of a good fire hose on him.

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Personally, I am not into golden showers unless I got stung by a jellyfish.  I could support that the shower is the place to pee on people though.  The thought of getting pee on your bed and going on your mattress makes me cringe.  The carpet would probably be just as bad.  Nobody wants their house to smell like stale pee or to be known as stinky pee.  There is nothing about peeing on someone or someone peeing on me that gets me turned on.  However, if I was in a serious relationship and the guy wanted me to pee on him, I would kindly let it flow on him.  I am a team player and will try almost anything at least one time.  I said, “almost anything.”   

Just don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.

 

I Just Need to Pee

You should always pee before you leave a bar if you have broken the seal.  This goes back to Sebastian always saying to never pass up an opportunity to pee because you do not know when you’ll find another restroom.  You could be in a car or in line to go to the restroom at a concert or a bar.  You are clenching it together.  You feel that pain from holding it in.  Everyone knows that is one of the worst feelings in the world.

keep-calm-and-do-u-mind-i-need-to-peeI was partying down at one of my favorite colleges.  I had been out at the bars with my friends.  I did not feel like staying over night down there.  I did not have a lot to drink at all.  I got in my car and headed out.  Before I was out of downtown, the urge to pee hit me.  I was right by Cameron and Levi’s new place.  I would rather pee in their house than in a gas station bathroom.  I pulled into their parking lot and went into their place.  Cameron was not home, but Levi was there.  We were bullshitting.  I told him I only stopped by their place for one reason, so I could go pee before heading back home.  He said you can use the bathroom after we get her out of there.  I was perplexed by his statement.  Levi told me the broad he brought home and had sex with was in the bathroom.  ::Lord have mercy I just need to pee::  He said she had been in the bathroom for a while.  I did not know what I was going to find behind that door.  I opened the door to the bathroom.  The broad is naked, passed out, and sitting on the toilet for Christ’s sake.  I tried tapping, poking, talking to her.  She was not waking up for anything.  Levi and I picked her up off the toilet and carried her into his room.  We covered her with blankets and shut his door.  I darted for the bathroom.  That is one of the best feelings when you get to pee after holding it in.  Levi thanked me for helping him out.  He asked if I was going to stay and wait for Cameron to get home.  I told him no I just really needed a place to pee.  That was it.

If I would have peed at the bar, I would not have had to deal with a naked, passed out broad.  How drunk do you have to be to pass out on a toilet?  I feel like being naked and on a toilet would not make me tired.  I can say I have never passed out on a toilet clothed or naked.  That is a very vulnerable position.  It was not too horrible of a situation.  It did give me something to laugh about on the way home.

A Wet Dream

We have all had embarrassing moments in life.  It is inevitable.  As we get older, there are less things that embarrass us.  I have had a few moments where I wanted to become invisible.

One of those moments happened when I was with my ex boyfriend, Gary.  I had stayed over night at his apartment.  I was having a dream that I was peeing in the shower.  I woke up and I was actually peeing in the bed.  Panic mode was in full swing.  I immediately clamped up.  I made sure to be very still and quiet, so I did not wake up Gary.  I went to the bathroom.  I finished peeing on the toilet where you should be unlike the bed.  I got a baggy and put my underoos in it.  I grabbed a pair of my gym shorts to put on.  I crawled back into bed and made sure that I was directly on top of the wet spot.  I laid as stiff as a board.  His alarm went off.  I pretended to be asleep.  He rolled over to give me a kiss before he got out of bed.  I made sure not to move.  He got ready and left for work.  I heard the dead bolt lock on the door.  I jumped out of the bed.  I grabbed the sheets and threw them into the washer.  I got cleaner out to spot clean the wet spot on the mattress.  I took off my clothes and put them into a plastic bag.  I put the sheets in the dryer.  I knew they would not be ready in time since I had to leave to go to work.  I sent Gary a text.  I told him I washed the sheets up because we had sex a few times on them.  I said they would be clean and dry by the time he got home from work.  He started asking some questions.  I did not want him to know that I peed in his bed, so I told him I had a wet dream.  I said I was having a sex dream about him and it got me really wet.  I told him I was so embarrassed because a dream got me so aroused.  He was flattered.  I was so happy he bought that load of bullshit.  He never knew the truth.

After that, I made a concious effort to pee before going to bed every night.