Drunk Subconscious

Have you ever struggled with what to do in a situation?  The inner debate within yourself.  There are plenty of times in life where the drunk you trumps the sober you.  It is similar to the angel and devil on each shoulder.  Who do you listen to?  Which one will win out?  

Aurora and Max had their friend in town.  I saw Aurora in a picture with this guy who caught my attention.  She told me it was their friend Oliver.  He was an attractive guy.  Aurora and Max had a feeling Oliver and I would vibe well.  They also know I do not do anything with strings attached to it.  This would have been a perfect situation for me.  

I was having people over at my house.  Aurora and Max brought Oliver and Jim to my place to party with us.  I totally dug Oliver’s vibe.  He was good people.  He was good-looking.  He did not live here.  I also received a side note about him.  *Oliver had a big dick*  It sounded like a great package deal.  I was drinking a lot that night.  At the end of the night, the sober, level-headed voice told me to have Oliver stay over and only sleep together.  You could tell a lot about a person by just sleeping with them in bed.  However, the drunk voice in my head told me to spread them legs and get it in.  Take one guess which voice won the argument?  Woof.

I wish I would have only slept in the same bed as him.  I would have realized having sex with him would be a bad idea.  Yes, he had a big dick, but it was not as big as my ex, Peter.  It was girth big.  The sex was okay.  It was nothing to write home about and I did not want to try it again.  

He thought I was shy in bed because he was trying to force me to dirty talk.  Never force anything.  It makes it very awkward and ruins the mood.  We just met and were having sex the same night.  It made me feel like Kevin Hart.  That is way too much to put your nasty on someone in the first night of meeting them.  Just shut up and fuck me.  As if it couldn’t get any worse, he was a cuddler.  Fack.  I barely got any sleep that night.  I was so uncomfortable.  I would try to scoot away from him because I have a king size bed.  He would either creep up behind me or pull me back to him. I needed space to sleep.  Jesus Mary and Joseph.  He started calling me gorgeous, baby and babe.  I loathe those terms when they are thrown around on a whim.

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All of that left a bad taste in my mouth.  The more I reflected on it the more I realized that I messed up.  I did not want to be around him after that.  If I would have just slept in the same bed with him, it would still be cool for me to be around him.  I ruined it by having sex with him.  I felt even worse because I think so much of Aurora and Max.  I made sure not to be rude to him.  I played the fade, arms length type responses.  I did not want to lead him on since I noticed he was liking everything I posted on the book of faces.  

Oliver was good people.  He was better as just a friend though.  My best friend, Jude, told me that I must have the circus in-between my legs since after one time Oliver was clambering over me.  Don’t worry there is no bearded lady at this circus act.  

Bedknobs and Doorknobs

I was a junior in high school when my dad had enough of boys in the upstairs of our house.  I had people over twice one weekend.  For once, there was no sex going on in the upstairs by anyone.  We were hanging out and drinking upstairs.  The last night I had my buddies over.  It was Alex, Matt, and Mike.  We were drinking and bullshitting.  They left my house a little after midnight.  I went back upstairs to my bedroom.  I went to close my door and saw that I could not do that.  My doorknob was gone.  I looked on the floor for it.  I was completely confused.  How do you lose a doorknob?  I did not lose it.  I found out that Alex stole my doorknob.  That brings up the next question.  Who steals a doorknob?  Did he watch ‘Bedknobs and Broomsticks’ one too many times?  Did he think it was magical?  Or was he that drunk that he thought it was a great thing to take as a souvenir?  This situation is what made it funnier when my friend Tiffany had her weird sexual experience with him.  I talked about it in ‘Funny but Bad Luck.’

My dad was helping clean the house.  He was cleaning in my room.  He found a beer bottle in my valence, a sealed condom, and saw my doorknob was gone.  My dad was less than thrilled to say the least.  It also did not look very good.  That evidence was hard to dispute.  I tried to tell him that no one was having sex.  I am sure it fell out of one of the guys pockets.  I said at least my guy friends practice safe sex.  He did not find the humor in my attempt to explain what he found.  Unfortunately, I did not have a good explanation for why Alex took my doorknob.  My dad made a rule that boys were no longer allowed in the upstairs.