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Catch & Release

If you do not plan on eating your fish for dinner, you would catch and release it.  You can use this same idea for having sex.  This type of sex is not for everyone.  There are many people who are not comfortable with a one night stand or mid day rendezvous.  I find it exciting to indulge in it every now and then.  Different strokes for different folks.

I tend to go on Tinder when I’m bored to swipe through the men deck.  I typically do not look at their details.  It is for shits and giggles.  Well, I matched with this 22-year-old.  Lets call him Charlie Conway from the ‘Mighty Ducks.’  He was a good-looking guy.  His beard made him look a little older.  We exchanged a few messages.  It was nothing serious.  Charlie ending up messaging me the following day to find out what I was going to do for the day.  I told him I was going to the beach with my friends. He mentioned that we should meet up.  I dismissed the message and closed the application.  I was looking forward to a day with my friends, soaking up some rays and throwing back some beers.

Jude and I walked up to the tiki bar on the beach to order some drinks.  I noticed a guy sitting with a group on the other side of the bar.  He looked familiar. Hmm.  I opened Tinder on my phone to Charlie’s profile.  I asked Jude if he thought the guy at the bar and on my phone was the same person.  Jude thought if it wasn’t the same person then they must be related.  I messaged him to confirm our thoughts.  He wasn’t picking up that I was at the same place as him.  I heard him say, “The chick from Tinder.  She’s 32.”  Come on now.  I messaged him and said, “Stop shouting my age like a football score!”  He looked shocked and told his buddies that I heard them.  They all started looking around for me.  I waved with a smile.  I owned it.  I walked over and talked to him.

I quickly learned that Charlie was in college, on the hockey team, and flying out later that evening to go home.  This would be the perfect opportunity for a catch and release afternoon delight for me.  Yes, it also would make me an official cougar since he was ten years younger than me.  Ain’t no shame in my game.  Him and his one teammate kept saying they needed a shower before heading to the airport.  Jude knew what I was thinking without me saying anything.  Jude signaled for me to go for it.  It would make for a good story.  I invited Charlie and his buddy back to my place for showers, beers and food.  Charlie asked me to join him in the shower.  I stripped down and jumped in there with him.  We started in there and finished on my bed.  It was pretty good minus the end.  I told him to cum on my chest.  He must not shoot the puck often on the ice because he shot wide right.  I luckily sensed his poor aim and turned my head.  Whew.  I saved my hair.  We got dressed then Charlie and his buddy left for their flight.  My friends and I grilled out then watched a scary movie.  It was a successful day.

What were the chances of running into Charlie that day.  There are probably quite a few of you judging me.  That is okay.  You get to read about it because I lived in the moment.  I did not think I would hear from him again since he lived in the northeast.  I was wrong.  Apparently, the younger men think they are entitled to receive pictures after they have sex with you.  They also do not understand that most people do not have a catalogue of naked pictures saved on their phone to send out on a whim.  It is quite comical.  I did save the best part for last.  You may think I came up with his character name due to him being younger and playing hockey.  That contributed to it, but he had a tattoo of the ‘Mighty Ducks’ on his ass.  Charlie definitely worked the flying V angle.

Jeepers Creepers

I can say with confidence everyone is guilty to a certain level of creeping on someone.  It is hard not to do with todays social media and technology.  It makes it pretty easy for someone to find out about another person.  However, some people take it to a whole other level.  They go above and beyond the little innocent creeping to almost stalking in a sense.  ::queue Michael Jackson:: “I always feel like somebody’s watching me..”

I have creeped on people via social media.  It is like window browsing.  You can look, but do not touch.  Amateurs are bad at it.  Some people do not know that LinkedIn shows you who looked at your profile or it tells you one of these people in a group looked at your profile.  You can always guess who it was that looked at your profile.  I have had numerous ex-boyfriends wives or girlfriends, old friends, or ex-boyfriends themselves show up on your LinkedIn.  Rookies.  There are the rookie mistakes of creeping on someone on Facebook and you end up requesting them as a friend.  That is my all time favorite.  I typically call those broads out for shits and giggles.  They are nine times out of ten friends with my guy friend’s new girlfriend.  This is all the innocent creeping.

One of the levels I have not graduated to is the drive by someone’s house.  I know quite a few females who have driven by the guy’s house.  Some have taken pictures as evidence to what cars they saw at the house.  Some have made me be the driver, so the guy would not recognize my car.  It is almost like stalking a person.  What drives a person to do this?  Trust?  Insecurity?  Paranoia?  I know a handful of broads that had decoy Facebook accounts.  They used them to creep.  The problem was they took it to a different level.  They would tell people it was a cousin.  They had a whole back story for this pretend person.  I had a girlfriend get mad at me once because I told someone it was really her.  Who has that kind of spare time to invest in making someone up?  If you have that little of trust in someone, you should probably not be dating them or interested in them.  Another level would be messaging other people who you think are interested in your someone.  I know a few ladies who have indulged in that guilty pleasure.  They try to mark their territory.  The problem with that is no one really cares.  If a wedding ring cannot deter someone from going after another person that is married, your message on social media will fall on deaf ears.  Those types of messages will be laughed at and looked at as crazy desperation.   

Some of my girlfriends are almost private investigator status.  They can find anything out.  My one best friend saw a picture of her man at a fancy bar and she felt like something was off that evening.  She looked up his ex girlfriend’s instagram account.  That broad had the exact same picture up.  They may not have been in each other’s pictures, but they were most definitely at the same bar.  I would say the only way to possibly get away with cheating is by not having any social media.  There is always a downloadcookie crumb trail left behind.

The problem with all of the creeping and stalking antics it kind of makes you look crazy.  It is not the type of crazy that majority of people want others to see in the daylight.  Most people like to hide that crazy in a locked trunk.  These gestures also do not help you keep your love interest or significant other in the long run.  Who wants to be with someone that you have to keep tabs on at all times?  You can stay ten steps ahead all the time, but you may be the one left behind in the end.

If you need some examples of creeping and looking crazy, click on these links from Kevin Hart’s stand up 🙂

Psychopath Girl

Bitch in the Trunk

 

A Letter from the Writer

A BIG Hello to all of you that follow or take the time to read my blog!  It has been just a little over a year since I started blogging.  I have a little under 50 followers.  There are 82 posts up on my site and 60 comments.  I do not write all the time.  I would like to start being more consistent.  It is a slight roller coaster ride.  I developed such a passion for writing while obtaining my bachelors degree at Duquesne University that I wanted to find an outlet for it.  The majority of you, who know me well, know why I chose the blog topic.  There is humor, honesty, and real feelings in my writings on here.  This blog is not for everyone.  There are people who like to keep what goes on in their bedroom behind closed doors.  There has never been any shame in my game.e9b36cbcc5565bf0d9d035740f3eb959

This hobby of mine helped me figure out what career I could see myself flourishing in the very near future.  I am currently studying for the GRE that I am set to take in November.  I will hopefully be starting grad school next fall in ‘Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling’ program with a concentration in ‘Marriage, Family and Sex Therapy.’  I have been in the healthcare industry since 2007.  I learned that I am not built to be a corporate person.  I do not like being put in a 87c7a9fa5bf3396724cc21843739d478box because corporate people hate not being able to categorize you in life.  I have never been able to fit in a box.  My personality colors outside the lines.  A therapist would be the perfect fit for me.  I would be able to help people.  That is what I want to do.  It feels great to be able to be there for someone and help them.  Those are all reasons that flow into coaching volleyball.  I love being a coach.  You get to be a role model for young kids.  You teach them skills in the sport and in life.  It is hard work growing up as a girl.  There are mean girls, emotions, and life that get in the way.

I used to think that after high school people were adults and grew up.  I quickly realized that not everyone grows up.  There are women in their 50’s and 60’s that still act like children.  Do you get upset over these types of people?  No.  You cannot live your life for other people.  You cannot please everyone.  You would kill yourself trying to do it.  Not everyone is going to be a fan of yours.  There will always be a small section of people waiting to see you fail in life.  Your job is to focus on yourself and the huge crowd of people rooting for you.  See the positive.  Ignore the negative.

af9bcdcbe9bac94850c737a006d84bd2This year alone..  

  • I had one person using another one’s identity to message me on Facebook.  I told the real person that they had been catfished.  I blocked the fake account and went on with my life.  A month later, this person then found their way to my blog and tried to write a nasty gram on here.  I spammed their comment and moved on.
  • I had another person leave a comment on my blog about being a bigger girl.  I took that opportunity and posted their message on my social media to show how sad and unfortunate some people are in their lives.
  • I recently heard their was a group of ladies bad mouthing me in Pittsburgh.  I left that city over three years ago.  Why would my name come up?  What is there to even say about me?  Do they not have anything else to talk about?  I have not thought about those people let alone the time or care to talk about them.  I had someone there to stick up for me and shame them for their child like antics.  They lived to tell about it since I am now writing about it.  Ha.
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I may have let those types of people have control over my feelings when I was younger.  Now, I am in control of how I feel.  Those ladies talking bad about me did not make me look bad.  They made themselves look bad.  It is humorous and sad that they are lacking that much substance in their life.  If you have that much extra time on your hands, you should go get another job, hobby, or help with a charity.  The negative, hateful Trump’s in the world are holding us down as a society.  Imagine if these people took that time and turned it into something positive for their everyday life.  I try to live9abd0a5fa99bfcb19cffbad2dd2b06fa the mantra of PLUR.  The world would be a better place if everyone tried to see the light in others and took each day as an opportunity to make a positive impact on it.  

I am a compassionate and honest person.  I am the type to send out birthday, anniversary, and thank you cards.  A letter in snail mail has a big impact.  It is nice to receive something other than the every day bills in the mail.  Someone gets married, has a kid, or loses a family member and I am the person to send them a card or a gift.  My one good guy friend in college lost his sister.  I sent him flowers.  My other good guy friend lost his grandmother in college.  We sat around passing a bottle of Bacardi 151.  Did I want to drink that?  No, but I did it anyway.  Another good guy friend was in the city for the holidays while everyone else was with their families.  I took him a couple of plates of food from my family dinner.  There was a group of girls that bullied me in Pittsburgh.  One night, one of those girls was hammered and left by herself at a bar.  I knew she lived somewhere on my route home.  I had someone help me carry her to my car.  She passed out in my car, so I had to call a mutual guy friend to help me find her house.  I woke her up and helped her into her house.  Did I have to do that?  No.  Would she have done the same for me?  Probably not.  Did I expect a thank you?  No.  Why did I do that?  Because that is the type of person I am at heart.

74849df6c6398c7dc2cae99002ab3163I have done some things in life that I would have done differently today.  I cannot go backwards in life.  I can only go forward.  We all sin differently.  Those mistakes, falls, bumps, sins and so on help make us who we are today.  I am human.  I am not and will never be perfect.  I can only hope to learn and grow as the days, months and years pass.  I have one full-time job.  I also have one and sometimes two part-time jobs.  I own my own home.  I have lived in different cities.  I have made lots of friends that turned into family along the way.  Some of those people left such lasting impressions on my heart and soul.  

I have and always will be bluntly honest.  That is why this blog is fun to write.  It is pure honesty with some fun humor and serious undertones.  It is a way to connect to people.  There are other people out there that have had the same experiences or are going through them.  So thank you to all of my followers, friends and family that have been supporting me on this fun journey.  I would also like to thank the negative people who try to throw bad energy my way.  It truly tests people’s characters on how to deal with those types of negative vibes.  It helps me sit back and reflect on how far I have come in life.  I appreciate all of you!  And here’s to another year of writing.  Stay tuned! 

With Love,  Britney Leigh 😉

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Backwards Sliding

We have all been down the slide backwards at least once in our lives.  Sex with an ex is also known as sliding backwards down a slide.  It usually happens because the relationship ended on good terms and the sex was so good between the two of you.  If you had sex with an ex and the sex was not that great, you were just looking for a fix and had no other options.  I only had two ex-boyfriends that I cared to indulge with after we ended our relationships.  Neither of those relationships ended on a sour note.  I had some of the best sex with those two.  I’d slide backwards all day, every day if it meant I would land on their dick.  

Drew and I became best friends after we broke up.  It took about four months for that to happen.  You have to let the dust settle.  We had some pretty amazing sexual chemistry between us.  He was such a big guy and loved tossing me around like a rag doll.  I loved it rough.  I had just stopped seeing someone and Drew was single.  We both got an itch while we were out with friends.  We staggered our exits.  We did not want anyone in our business.  It was less drama that way.  I met him at his house.  We were both a little tipsy which made for an even better performance.  Drew ripped my bikini off and bent me over the end of his bed.  He was going to pound town while cracking me across the ass.  ::sigh in heaven::  He grabbed me up and tossed me onto his bed.  He dove right in after the ass and pikachu.  Oh hey.  I wasn’t even mad about it.  The beautiful thing was after we had sex it was back to business as usual between us.  It was the greatest friendship.

Peter and I was a slightly different story.  We made the mistake of having sex immediately following the break up.  It was great sex.  It was not ideal for the emotional part.  Sex with an ex only works when the feelings have washed away.  Granted, I still think about this one time we had sex after we broke up.  We broke up and had not seen each other in two weeks.  He came over my place to put up my curtains in the living room.  The problem was he did not bring those tools.  It slightly foiled my plan.  I explained that I planned on offering something as a thank you for the curtains.  I was sitting on the floor.  Peter got down off the couch and crawled over top of me and asked me, “What kind of thank you?”  He knew what I had up my sleeve or between my legs.  Ha.  We started kissing so hard and passionately that it lit a fire in-between my legs.  We tore off each others clothes.  Peter smiled when he felt how turned on I was for him.  He made me smile with his eight plus inches in my Miss Lucy.  There was a giant box on the floor behind us that kept getting in the way.  We did not even care.  It was so animalistic.  Whew.  I still get those feel good chills thinking about it.  

There is nothing wrong with sliding backwards as long as there are no feelings involved in the situation.  Feelings make sex with an ex very messy for everyone.  Friends are like annoying birds in your ears.  It is more unneeded aggravation.  It is usually best to keep that information under wraps.  Some people will never understand how two people that used to date can be friends and occasionally enjoy a romp.  Sex with an ex is great because you trust each other and know what each other likes in the bedroom.  What more could you ask for?  ::two snaps and around the world::  Do not let anyone yell at you for playing on the playground.  The swings are fun, but the slides are better when you go down backwards. 

Nine Months No Sex

Anyone can have sex at anytime.  It depends on how much you want it or how desperate you are for it.  You could truly love sex.  I have heard of people using Tinder as a bet to see who could get laid before 2:00am.  I have always been a “in the moment decision” type of person.  I went nine months of no sex by choice.  I could have very easily of had sex with someone in that time.  I was actually going to see if I could make it a full year at that point.  I was interested in becoming a born again virgin.  Ha.  ::clean that slate::

I started the sex hiatus after douche bag Bill.  I went through some medical scares.  I was over men at that time.  I wanted nothing from them.  I was perfectly content with my double A batteries.  I realized that I made it to nine months.  I was surprised that I made it that 4b6b59aaaa5bf12b86fd406e3d4b8005far.  Did I miss sex to the point of wanting a random pickle in my jar?  No.  Did I think about sex?  Yes.  Everyone enjoys sex.  It is human nature.  I even had my one guy friend, Jaxon, just cuddle and lay on me once during my hiatus, so I could feel the weight of a man on me.  ::queue Sex and the City quote::  I have come a long way from my young twenties.  The old, younger version of me acted on every Energizer Bunny impulse.  The seasoned broad that I am now is more selective on the produce that enters the store in-between her legs.

I made it to nine months of no sex.  I started entertaining the idea of going a whole year.  It meant my Miss Lucy was tight and right.  Sharon Osborne supposedly said she had vaginal tightening surgery done to her.  You could go the easier route of indulging in no sex and ben wa ball exercises.  The thought of making it to a year was ended by one of my gorgeous Ron Burgundy friends.  Grayson and I met three years ago through one of our mutual friends.  I had a boyfriend at the time when him and I first met.  When Peter and I broke up, Grayson and I started text messaging and snap chatting one another.  It was so easy to talk to him.  It was even easier to sext with him.  We were both pretty good at exciting one another.  This went on for two years between us.  The build up of sexual tension was beginning to be wound up tighter than Joan River’s face.  It was fun to fantasize about the day we would finally get to feel each other’s naked bodies.

That day happened when I was on my hiatus.  He was in town for a gig.  We were exchanging messages throughout the night.  I was definitely feeling pretty good.  Alcohol gave me confidence and took away my nerves.  Okay, okay, I was drunk.  It probably was better for the situation though.  Two years of sexual anticipation had a lot to live up to.  It started to pour down rain.  I showed up to his hotel room drunk, frisky, and wet.  There was polite chit-chat before we started ripping each other’s clothes off.  I am pretty sure my Miss Lucy was drooling at the sight of him and his big dick.  Whew.  The first thrust was the most titillating sensation I have felt in a long time.  The thought of it right now gives me the chills.  Lord, baby Jesus.  I remember him saying a few times how tight my vahjayjay was when he slid in and out of me.  Nine months of no sex and kegels truly paid off.  We went a few rounds.  It was salacious.  

I still laugh thinking about how drunk I was that night.  At one point, I remember I sucked his balls in my mouth like I was the powerball machine.  :: yells 35, 23, 18::  All bets are off when I am drunk.  Ain’t no shame in my game.  He left me with some lovely markings to remember the evening.  I had to wear fashionable scarves for a week to work.  Do you think I was bummed that I did not make it to a year of no sex?  Hell no.  That was worth every bit of the two years we had in conversations and pictures.  It was one hell of a way to end my nine month sex hiatus.  He can pokemon my pikachu any day.

Higher Standards

Sex is an important key player in the game.  It is fun especially when you are young and dumb.  The majority of people do not put sex up on a petal stool.  There are some people who only have sex while in a relationship.  I enjoyed my steady dial-a-dick buddies.  I was never the “relationship driven broad.”  I loved having sex.  My type was typically the meatheads and occassionaly guys that were just really, really, ridiculously good looking.  I didn’t care if they acted like douchebags.  I didn’t care how they treated me as long as I was getting laid at the end of the night.  I’ve learned that there is more to life than that.  ::insert blue steel Derek Zoolander face::

I was out with Aurora and Max one night.  They are such a fun couple to be around.  They do not make you physically ill like some others.  We were out at a bar indulging in some adult beverages when I noticed the bartender was pretty cute.  Aurora noticed that the bartender was checking me out as well.  We were getting ready to bar hop to the next destination.  I was trying to wait for the right moment to make my move when Max told me to hurry it up and get his number already.  There was not going to be a right moment.  I called Mason over to us.  I said, “So are you single or with someone?  Do you want my number?  Or I can get yours?”  He looked flustered for a second and was stumbling for words.  He was fumbling looking for his phone.  Mason could not find his phone, so he wrote his number down on a napkin for me.  He said he was planning on getting mine, but I beat him to the punch.  We texted back and forth for a couple weeks.  

Mason told me he had a little baby girl recently.  The mother and him were not on good terms with each other.  He also added how they bartend at the same bar, but they are now on different shifts.  Not an ideal situation.  I decided to give him a chance depsite his baggage.  We went out for drinks.  I was on my way to meet him when he asked if I could pick him up.  I thought that was odd, but I wanted to hang out with him.  I scooped him up on the way to the restaurant/bar.  His resume got a bit messier.  Mason told me he had two DUI’s and a breathalizer in his car.  He can’t drive and go out for drinks.  Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  Suprisingly, we hit it off.  I felt very comfortable with him in those few hours that we were talking at the bar.  At the end of the night, I took him home and shared an intense goodnight kiss.  I remembered that it’s all in the kiss.  My interest was truly peaked for Mason.

*Cliff Note Version of the Sexapade*  After a couple of weeks, Mason was coming over my place to hang out.  I was super nervous because I hadn’t had sober sex in a long time. LOL.  It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great.  He couldn’t keep it going the whole time, so it felt like red light, green light sex.  I got a cramp in my calf.  It was comical.  The following evening he popped by unexpectedly for a redo.  It was way better!  Thank God!  Mason and I would hang out and hook up over the next two months then we went two months of nothing.

Fast forward five months from us first meeting, I randomly texted Mason that my friends and I were going back to my place for an after party.  He actually said he would come over.  He got there and was immediately in a brat mood.  He was mad that I didn’t personally greet him at the door and get him a beer.  Mason was irritated that there were a lot of people there.  He was even more pissy with me when I wouldn’t go to bed with him due to my friends still at my house.  It was to the point of him texting me while inside my house instead of socializing with everyone.  Mason was wanting me to beg him to stay since he was threatening to leave.  His actions were leaving little to be desired.  He ended up leaving and sending a barage of text messages.  I did not respond to any of them.

The old, younger verison of myself would have told him to stay, so I could get laid.  Now, I do not have time for that nonsense or care to spread my legs for douchebag behavior.  One would think with Mason being near forty years old that he’d know how to act like an adult.  I won’t be contacting him again.  sizwqikzcgjyatxpyl7n  I was not looking for anything serious from Mason, but I won’t tolerate someone in my bed that acts like a bratty child.  My moral standards have come a long way unlike my taste in men.  Those skills still need some work.  Keep your head held high and your middle finger higher 😉

 

Fluffers

Fluffers are known as the guys who get male porn stars ready for the camera action.  My definition is similar.  Fluffers are people who get another person all amped up for play, but they never act on it.  Fluffers are frustrating.  What is the point in playing the fluffing game?  Time is priceless.  I do not care to waste my time talking about sexing someone if it is not going to happen.  I would rather indulge in me time than fluff someone.

There are five guys that come to mind for me.  One of the guys, we did heavy petting once at my place.  It was so hot.  However, he never ended up coming over again to cross the finishline.  He told me that he regretted it after I moved away.  A year and a half went by of texting and snap chatting with one another.  I was back in town for one weekend.  In typical fashion, he did not have any follow through for us.  Why the fluff? 

Three of the guys were here in Florida.  It must be a common style in the sunshine state.  Two out of the three of them nothing ever happened between us.  There were many words used.  Numerous attempts to try and meet up.  Many promises of wanting to be naked.  Do people get their rocks off by teasing and never doing anything?  Teasing is all good and fun when you get that prize in the end.  That would be like masterbating and then stopping right before you orgasm.  ::blank stare::

downloadAfter a month or so, I realized it was not worth my time.  If I wanted to get myself excited, I would get my own orgasm.  I do not need some guy trying to fluff me up and not get mine in the end.  If I wanted to have fluff, I would eat it out of a jar.