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Catch & Release

If you do not plan on eating your fish for dinner, you would catch and release it.  You can use this same idea for having sex.  This type of sex is not for everyone.  There are many people who are not comfortable with a one night stand or mid day rendezvous.  I find it exciting to indulge in it every now and then.  Different strokes for different folks.

I tend to go on Tinder when I’m bored to swipe through the men deck.  I typically do not look at their details.  It is for shits and giggles.  Well, I matched with this 22-year-old.  Lets call him Charlie Conway from the ‘Mighty Ducks.’  He was a good-looking guy.  His beard made him look a little older.  We exchanged a few messages.  It was nothing serious.  Charlie ending up messaging me the following day to find out what I was going to do for the day.  I told him I was going to the beach with my friends. He mentioned that we should meet up.  I dismissed the message and closed the application.  I was looking forward to a day with my friends, soaking up some rays and throwing back some beers.

Jude and I walked up to the tiki bar on the beach to order some drinks.  I noticed a guy sitting with a group on the other side of the bar.  He looked familiar. Hmm.  I opened Tinder on my phone to Charlie’s profile.  I asked Jude if he thought the guy at the bar and on my phone was the same person.  Jude thought if it wasn’t the same person then they must be related.  I messaged him to confirm our thoughts.  He wasn’t picking up that I was at the same place as him.  I heard him say, “The chick from Tinder.  She’s 32.”  Come on now.  I messaged him and said, “Stop shouting my age like a football score!”  He looked shocked and told his buddies that I heard them.  They all started looking around for me.  I waved with a smile.  I owned it.  I walked over and talked to him.

I quickly learned that Charlie was in college, on the hockey team, and flying out later that evening to go home.  This would be the perfect opportunity for a catch and release afternoon delight for me.  Yes, it also would make me an official cougar since he was ten years younger than me.  Ain’t no shame in my game.  Him and his one teammate kept saying they needed a shower before heading to the airport.  Jude knew what I was thinking without me saying anything.  Jude signaled for me to go for it.  It would make for a good story.  I invited Charlie and his buddy back to my place for showers, beers and food.  Charlie asked me to join him in the shower.  I stripped down and jumped in there with him.  We started in there and finished on my bed.  It was pretty good minus the end.  I told him to cum on my chest.  He must not shoot the puck often on the ice because he shot wide right.  I luckily sensed his poor aim and turned my head.  Whew.  I saved my hair.  We got dressed then Charlie and his buddy left for their flight.  My friends and I grilled out then watched a scary movie.  It was a successful day.

What were the chances of running into Charlie that day.  There are probably quite a few of you judging me.  That is okay.  You get to read about it because I lived in the moment.  I did not think I would hear from him again since he lived in the northeast.  I was wrong.  Apparently, the younger men think they are entitled to receive pictures after they have sex with you.  They also do not understand that most people do not have a catalogue of naked pictures saved on their phone to send out on a whim.  It is quite comical.  I did save the best part for last.  You may think I came up with his character name due to him being younger and playing hockey.  That contributed to it, but he had a tattoo of the ‘Mighty Ducks’ on his ass.  Charlie definitely worked the flying V angle.

Backwards Sliding

We have all been down the slide backwards at least once in our lives.  Sex with an ex is also known as sliding backwards down a slide.  It usually happens because the relationship ended on good terms and the sex was so good between the two of you.  If you had sex with an ex and the sex was not that great, you were just looking for a fix and had no other options.  I only had two ex-boyfriends that I cared to indulge with after we ended our relationships.  Neither of those relationships ended on a sour note.  I had some of the best sex with those two.  I’d slide backwards all day, every day if it meant I would land on their dick.  

Drew and I became best friends after we broke up.  It took about four months for that to happen.  You have to let the dust settle.  We had some pretty amazing sexual chemistry between us.  He was such a big guy and loved tossing me around like a rag doll.  I loved it rough.  I had just stopped seeing someone and Drew was single.  We both got an itch while we were out with friends.  We staggered our exits.  We did not want anyone in our business.  It was less drama that way.  I met him at his house.  We were both a little tipsy which made for an even better performance.  Drew ripped my bikini off and bent me over the end of his bed.  He was going to pound town while cracking me across the ass.  ::sigh in heaven::  He grabbed me up and tossed me onto his bed.  He dove right in after the ass and pikachu.  Oh hey.  I wasn’t even mad about it.  The beautiful thing was after we had sex it was back to business as usual between us.  It was the greatest friendship.

Peter and I was a slightly different story.  We made the mistake of having sex immediately following the break up.  It was great sex.  It was not ideal for the emotional part.  Sex with an ex only works when the feelings have washed away.  Granted, I still think about this one time we had sex after we broke up.  We broke up and had not seen each other in two weeks.  He came over my place to put up my curtains in the living room.  The problem was he did not bring those tools.  It slightly foiled my plan.  I explained that I planned on offering something as a thank you for the curtains.  I was sitting on the floor.  Peter got down off the couch and crawled over top of me and asked me, “What kind of thank you?”  He knew what I had up my sleeve or between my legs.  Ha.  We started kissing so hard and passionately that it lit a fire in-between my legs.  We tore off each others clothes.  Peter smiled when he felt how turned on I was for him.  He made me smile with his eight plus inches in my Miss Lucy.  There was a giant box on the floor behind us that kept getting in the way.  We did not even care.  It was so animalistic.  Whew.  I still get those feel good chills thinking about it.  

There is nothing wrong with sliding backwards as long as there are no feelings involved in the situation.  Feelings make sex with an ex very messy for everyone.  Friends are like annoying birds in your ears.  It is more unneeded aggravation.  It is usually best to keep that information under wraps.  Some people will never understand how two people that used to date can be friends and occasionally enjoy a romp.  Sex with an ex is great because you trust each other and know what each other likes in the bedroom.  What more could you ask for?  ::two snaps and around the world::  Do not let anyone yell at you for playing on the playground.  The swings are fun, but the slides are better when you go down backwards. 

Nine Months No Sex

Anyone can have sex at anytime.  It depends on how much you want it or how desperate you are for it.  You could truly love sex.  I have heard of people using Tinder as a bet to see who could get laid before 2:00am.  I have always been a “in the moment decision” type of person.  I went nine months of no sex by choice.  I could have very easily of had sex with someone in that time.  I was actually going to see if I could make it a full year at that point.  I was interested in becoming a born again virgin.  Ha.  ::clean that slate::

I started the sex hiatus after douche bag Bill.  I went through some medical scares.  I was over men at that time.  I wanted nothing from them.  I was perfectly content with my double A batteries.  I realized that I made it to nine months.  I was surprised that I made it that 4b6b59aaaa5bf12b86fd406e3d4b8005far.  Did I miss sex to the point of wanting a random pickle in my jar?  No.  Did I think about sex?  Yes.  Everyone enjoys sex.  It is human nature.  I even had my one guy friend, Jaxon, just cuddle and lay on me once during my hiatus, so I could feel the weight of a man on me.  ::queue Sex and the City quote::  I have come a long way from my young twenties.  The old, younger version of me acted on every Energizer Bunny impulse.  The seasoned broad that I am now is more selective on the produce that enters the store in-between her legs.

I made it to nine months of no sex.  I started entertaining the idea of going a whole year.  It meant my Miss Lucy was tight and right.  Sharon Osborne supposedly said she had vaginal tightening surgery done to her.  You could go the easier route of indulging in no sex and ben wa ball exercises.  The thought of making it to a year was ended by one of my gorgeous Ron Burgundy friends.  Grayson and I met three years ago through one of our mutual friends.  I had a boyfriend at the time when him and I first met.  When Peter and I broke up, Grayson and I started text messaging and snap chatting one another.  It was so easy to talk to him.  It was even easier to sext with him.  We were both pretty good at exciting one another.  This went on for two years between us.  The build up of sexual tension was beginning to be wound up tighter than Joan River’s face.  It was fun to fantasize about the day we would finally get to feel each other’s naked bodies.

That day happened when I was on my hiatus.  He was in town for a gig.  We were exchanging messages throughout the night.  I was definitely feeling pretty good.  Alcohol gave me confidence and took away my nerves.  Okay, okay, I was drunk.  It probably was better for the situation though.  Two years of sexual anticipation had a lot to live up to.  It started to pour down rain.  I showed up to his hotel room drunk, frisky, and wet.  There was polite chit-chat before we started ripping each other’s clothes off.  I am pretty sure my Miss Lucy was drooling at the sight of him and his big dick.  Whew.  The first thrust was the most titillating sensation I have felt in a long time.  The thought of it right now gives me the chills.  Lord, baby Jesus.  I remember him saying a few times how tight my vahjayjay was when he slid in and out of me.  Nine months of no sex and kegels truly paid off.  We went a few rounds.  It was salacious.  

I still laugh thinking about how drunk I was that night.  At one point, I remember I sucked his balls in my mouth like I was the powerball machine.  :: yells 35, 23, 18::  All bets are off when I am drunk.  Ain’t no shame in my game.  He left me with some lovely markings to remember the evening.  I had to wear fashionable scarves for a week to work.  Do you think I was bummed that I did not make it to a year of no sex?  Hell no.  That was worth every bit of the two years we had in conversations and pictures.  It was one hell of a way to end my nine month sex hiatus.  He can pokemon my pikachu any day.

Dial-A-Dick

I love the term “dial-a-dick.”  Samantha used that term in ‘Sex and The City.’  It is also known as a “fuck buddy.”  Most people have at least one person they can hit up for sex.  Some people may have a few options in their black book.  These types of relationships were with people you trusted and had really good sexual chemistry with at some point.  It may not have been a serious relationship.  It could have been a causal friend you liked to hang out with on occasion.  My black book was not too shabby in my early twenties.  It worked both ways.  They would hit me up or I would hit them up.  It could be early in the evening or late at night.  It was nice having a reliable dick on call.

Cameron and I may have had more feelings involved, but it was nice knowing we were on the same page.  It did not matter what time it was or where we were at the time.  I would typically go to him since my parents house was not ideal for having male companions over.  My house was a last resort for us.  We were notorious for making use of my vehicles.  We had sex in all three of my cars plus my parents Explorer.  The Explorer was nice because we laid the back seat down, but it gave you brush burn.  Ha.  This deal went on a long time between us.  It was always worth it.

Ken and I also had common ground on this subject.  We may not have been in a relationship, but we had amazing sexual chemistry.  We would either message each other on AIM or text each other.  Our code for each other when we were feeling frisky was mentioning that we wanted a cigarette.  I would drive up to the frat or his house to indulge in a camels cigarette then he’d indulge in me.  We took advantage of each other anywhere and everywhere.  The frat’s stairwell and hallway, the bathroom stalls/showers, his porch, our buddy’s porch and pull out couch, or the normal place his bed.  We had a lot of fun in those few years.

I found one the last few months I was in Chicago finally.  Daniel was always at the same local watering hole as me.  He lived by me.  He had a broad that was into him, but he said that they were not dating.  I took him home one time after the bar.  I have to say I was pleasantly surprised with what he had in his pants.  He had decent sized girth.  We went for two rounds that night.  Daniel was ready to hit up one of our mutual friends to come pick him up in the morning.  I got dressed and dropped him off at his house.  I did not want anyone knowing we were sleeping together.  It always would work out better when the least amount of people knew about your business.  Because people love to stick their nose where it does not belong and stir the pot.

I hit Daniel up another time and he just automatically offered to come over before I even asked him to.  We started going at it on my new couch.  We were ripping each other’s clothes off while trying to keep our hands all over each other.  I thought I was finally going to christen the new couch.  He ended the couch fun by moving the sexapade to my bedroom.  It was still amazing sex.  I am just that person who loves to christen new things in my life.  Ha.

Fuck Buddies are pretty much non-existent anymore.  It is hard to find one especially when you move to different states.  It does not help that it is harder to trust people now a days.  You have to be concered with getting an STD or pregnant if your buddy is not honest with you.  Some men are skeptic and think most broads get attached easily to the dick.  It happens.  Some broads do get dickmatized.  The dick can be that good.  The same goes for men though.  The broad could be bat shit crazy and he does not care because he fell into her rabbit hole.  He got lost in Wonderland.  

Over the Fence

Sexual chemistry is a huge part of a relationship.  It is not all about sex, but it is an important subject.  Human beings have physical needs in life.  People may think the sex part is the easiest role.  It is not by a long shot.  I have definitely had my ups and downs in that department.

One night, I was out with friends.  I had a short dress and heels on.  I looked on point.  I was dating Jerry at this time.  He texted me asking how was my night with my friends.  I told him it was going well.  He asked what I was wearing out.  I told him I was looking mighty fine.  Jerry asked if I could meet him at my house.  I told him my parents were home.  He said it did not involve us going inside.  It was close to midnight at this point.  I called it a night and went to meet Jerry at my house.  We were on the patio.  My patio has a fence around it and bushes for privacy.  He told me to walk over towards the one side of the fence.  Jerry told me to pull my panties down to my ankles and spread my legs.  I did what he said to do without asking questions.  He came up behind me and pressed against me.  I was on fire.  He was kissing my neck while one hand was grabbing my right breast and the other was in-between my legs.  Jerry bent me over the fence, grabbed my hair, and pushed inside of me.  It was incredible!  I wish I would have had the idea.  Jerry could dip in my cookie jar anytime.

Who doesn’t sex outside and the chance of getting caught?  Who doesn’t love spontaneous sex?  Who doesn’t love getting bent over?  Who doesn’t love having a significant other who is down for anything?  There are few people who would answer otherwise to those questions.  I love all of thee above.  It definitely spices up your sex life.  It makes for some awesome stories later in life.