At some lovely point in our lives, we have either been caught by our parents having sex or we have caught our parents having sex. I am lucky enough that I have never caught or heard my parents having sex. However, I was caught once and my mom heard the bed a few times. I used to live in the loft in my parents house. I had no doors. The joke always was if you hear Britney screaming do not go upstairs unless she is yelling “HELP!”
I was dating Jerry in the summer of 2009. It was in the morning. We started having sex. Who doesn’t love morning sex? We were getting hot and heavy. All of a sudden, my mom comes barreling up the stairs. Jerry dropped on top of me and hid under the covers. I closed my eyes. We clearly thought we were invisible if we laid very still on the bed. I opened one eye and saw my mom looking on the floor near the bathroom. I was at a loss as to what she was doing up in my room. I heard her walk past my bed and back down the stairs. Jerry popped his head out of the covers. He asked me, “Do you think she saw us?” I said, “I don’t know. She didn’t say anything.” As soon as I said that, my mom yelled up to me, “Britney can you come down here please?” I did not know what she was going to say to me, but I knew it was about to be a game of 20 questions.
She asked who was upstairs. I told her it was Jerry. She asked what happened to Colt. I told her he did not want a relationship right now. I had been seeing Jerry for a month now. She thought she heard the cat getting sick upstairs which is why she ran up to my room. She figured out it was my bed making the noise. She asked if I could please refrain from having sex until they were out of the house. She said she does not want to hear me having sex as much as I do not want to hear my parents having sex. I found it more humorous than embarrassing. I also thought I should invest in some WD-40.
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You got me at morning sex…