Avoiding the L Word

Falling in love happens to the best of us.  No one wants to be the first one to feel it let alone say it in a relationship.  It is scary to be out on the ledge of love.  You never know if the other person is on that same ledge with you.  There aren’t safety nets to catch you when you jump off that lovely ledge.

I had this problem when I was dating Peter.  It was all kinds of the worst person to fall in love with for the first time.  He was seven years younger than me and I was his first girlfriend.  It was like the lioness and a baby deer.  I was going to scare him away or devour him.  He was a good guy minus the usual young boy antics.  I became close friends with most of his family.  It was a level of comfort with him.  Our sexual chemistry was great too.  All of that put me on the ledge of love for the first time in my life.

I was trying to make a conscious effort to not slip and say it to him.  It was the hardest thing not to say especially when we were passionately having sex.  I would start to say, “I love youuu… .”  Panic would flood me immediately.  I finished the statement the only way you could without jumping off that ledge at a vulnerable moment.  I finished it as “I love youu…uuur big dick!”  It wasn’t a lie.  I did love his big dick.

I played that avoiding the “L” dance for a while with Peter.  I finally said it.  I told him it was okay if he did not feel the same way.  Some adults close to him thought he loved me, but he would never say it out loud.  It was the first time I fell in love in my life.  It was not the ideal scenario, but it was refreshing to jump off the ledge and free fall.

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