Don’t Drink and Groupon

We are all guilty of doing or buying things when we are intoxicated.  There are a lot of actions we would not do sober.  There are even more words we would not say when we are of sober mind.  Did we need to buy five rounds of shots for our friends?  The answer is probably not at that point.  Should we have went home with Jimbob after the bar?  No.  Should we have ditched all of our friends?  No.  The only thing you should take home after a night of drinking is pizza.  I learned that from my buddy, Ethan.  He said you do not wake up with regret and you have something to eat the next afternoon.

My one girlfriend, Roxana, was at home and enjoying a few or more glasses of wine.  She jumped on Groupon and was perusing all of the deals going on that evening.  She stumbled upon something that peaked her interest.  It was called the ‘Real Feel Deluxe.’  It was a dildo and it was a biggen.  Roxana is a single woman with a healthy sex drive.  Dildo on discount?  Sold.  She bought the 9″ wall banger.  She was very excited about her purchase!

Roxana received a very large box in the mail several days later.  She had no clue what could be in it.  She did not think the dildo would need to come in a huge box.  (that’s what she said, literally)  HaHa.  Roxana opened the box and to her surprise it was the dildo she ordered off of Groupon.  However, she got the 11″ instead of the 9″.  Hiiiiii Ohhhh.  She took it out of the box.  It was huge not only length wise but also girth.  Roxana took this as a challenge.  She put her best foot forward or should I say her feet apart.  She was laying on her bed on her back to give this ‘Real Feel Deluxe’ a run for its money.  Unfortunately, she only could get the tip in before feeling like she had to shit from the pressure of the large dildo inside of her.  She did what any broad would do next.  She said, “Fuck that!”

imageI support sex toys.  Single or in a relationship.  They make the world a happier place.  B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend) helps prevent pregnancies and STDs.  It is the safest kind of D out there.  However, I do not suggest drinking and buying dildos or vibrators.  You may end up with more than your Miss Lucy can break off.  She isn’t the black hole.  Well, maybe some of you ladies have a black hole.  No judgment.  Get in where you fit in.

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